I had to do a double take for these photos of Ice-T's wife Coco in Miami. They do say the beach brings out all sorts of people - I'm just not sure if you actually count as a person when your body is 95 percent silicon. Still, that is the happiest looking baby I have ever seen...I wonder why.

A little while ago, Kourtney Kardashian had a baby boy. No, no, stay in your seats, no use in getting all excited about it. She sold the first photo rights to Life & Style Magazine, which means that People and Us Magazine actually had some class for the first time in their history. Crazy, right? Her baby is named Mason Dash Disick, or perhaps Mason-Disick, I'm not really sure. Either way, welcome to life Mason. It's not much of one for you, I have to say, but hey, it's yours. Good luck, buddy.

Us Weekly is reporting that Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner have split up after three months of dating - even though they never came out and said they were together in the first place. Holy hell, Us Weekly will print anything, won't they? ... And aparently, so will I.

"It wasn't really developing into anything, and wasn't going to, so they decided they were better as friends," a source close to Swift told Us Weekly. "There was no chemistry."

The same-named duo split after the New Moon star flew to Nashville to celebrate Swift's 20th birthday on Dec. 13. "He went everywhere he could to see her, but she didn't travel much to see him. ... They plan to stay friends," the source said.

Swift, who infamously wrote a bitter tune about her split from Joe Jonas last year, and Lautner, 17, met in the fall on the set of the upcoming film Valentine's Day and had been photographed out and about — getting frozen yogurt, at a hockey game and at her concerts — since October.

The pair never spoke publicly about the relationship, but jokingly acknowledged it during their respective hosting stints on Saturday Night Live.

I don't really care about this whole thing, except Lautner looks like the kind of dude who would punch someone for saying crap about his girl. I like guys like that - they're always the ones creating hilarious headlines like, "Actor beats fan with his own shoe. Where's his sole?" Taylor, how many times to I have to call that chick a hick before you go crazy. Three? Four? I bet three.

It's not great to be a pet: You live in a cage, you have no will of your own, you're really, really dumb. Still, you can hilariously pee on Kim Kardashian and get away with it. Ah, to have absolute power.

During a recent visit to Ashton Kutcher's Katalyst production company in Hollywood, Kardashian met the magician, Dynamo, and "this little monkey" that he made appear.

"I thought he was really cute at first, but then he peed on me!!" Kardashian, 29, wrote on her website Monday. "Ashton said the monkey had pooped on him, so I didn't feel too bad, haha. Gross little monkey!"

On the plus-side, "This magician was amazing..." she said. "He did the craziest card tricks! (Us Magazine)

Not just card tricks, Kim. The man got a monkey to pee on you and poo on Ashton Kutcher. If he can get it to jerk off onto Tila Tequila, then he's hit the three most annoying people on the Internet. That's the hat trick, baby.

Today is "stories that get weirder" day at Celebrity Milkshake, and we've got a doozy for you now. Remember yesterday when we talked about Jon Gosselin's apartment being broken into, ransacked and stabbed? Well, it was his ex, Haily Glassman, who did it - except she only took things that belonged to her and wrote the note but didn't stab it to anything. Also, she didn't mess anything up. But everything else was all her...which makes it ok... I guess.

The ransacking of Jon Gosselin's New York City apartment appears to be a publicity stunt, an attorney for his ex-girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, tells TVGuide.com.

The former Jon & Kate Plus 8 star returned to his apartment Dec. 26 to find it burglarized and vandalized, according to his attorney, Mark Jay Heller. Gosselin's clothing, sheets, luggage and furniture were slashed, and a note signed with Glassman's name was left attached to a dresser by a butcher knife, Heller said. Glassman wrote the note, but did not pin it to the dresser, Anand Ahuja told TVGuide.com.

"We're not denying the note was written, but she didn't stab it [on the dresser] or do anything else," he said. "Somebody's trying to frame her."

Ahuja said Gosselin had told Glassman to take whatever she wanted from the apartment because he was moving, but the 22-year-old only took items belonging to her.

Ahuja added in a statement: "To me, it appears to be a huge publicity stunt. It appears that somebody is trying to frame my client, Hailey Glassman, because she didn't take anything from that apartment that she was not entitled to take with her. I don't see any truth in what is circling around in the media against my client."

Authorities are investigating the break-in, and Heller said Gosselin, 32, plans to file felony charges.

That's the worst publicity stunt I've ever heard. I'd be like me setting fire to my own house in order to get on the news. Let me tell you something, it doesn't work. The media doesn't care and the police get so darn mad at you. Totally wasn't worth the effort.

So this Charlie Sheen story took a turn for the weird and violent. I thought he was just roughing up his former wife, but it turns out that he held her at knife point with a switchblade. I've got to hand it to him - that's more badassary then I thought Charlie Sheen was capable of.

Authorities in Aspen, Colorado, have released the Christmas day 911 call that lead to Charlie Sheen's arrest.

In the nearly four-minute call, a woman who identified herself as Brooke, said her husband, whom she told the operator is Charlie Sheen, was in the bathroom after she alleged he threatened her with a knife.

"My husband had me... with um, with a knife and I'm in fear for my life and he threatened me," she said during the call, parts of which are inaudible.

During the call, the woman insisted to the 911 operator it was important to file the report.

"Right now we have people that are separating us. But I have to file the report or else," she said, later adding, "I need to file this."

The woman, who at times sounded as if she was sobbing, told the 911 operator her husband was planning to leave following the alleged incident.

"He said he's gonna run away and leave right now," she said, adding later, "He's trying to sneak out through the back right now.

She described the alleged weapon as like a "switchblade in the back," and claimed the item was in her husband's "back pocket."

As previously reported on AccessHollywood.com, Sheen, whose real name is Carlos Estevez, was arrested on Christmas day at approximately 11:20 AM on second-degree assault, menacing and criminal mischief.

Criminal mischief always sounded like an adorable term - like something you'd charge the Trix Rabbit with if he shanked a person to get some of that cereal. Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.

Tyra Banks always said she wanted to be just like Oprah. This may be why, just weeks after the Daytime Queen said she was quitting, Tyra is now too. You know, I don't want to lose Oprah, but if getting her to jump of a bridge is the only way for us to be rid of Tyra once and for all, then that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

Tyra Banks is ending her daytime TV talk show. The supermodel-turned-TV-mogul announced she that she will wrap up her talk show at the end of its current season - its fifth -- this coming spring.

"This will be the last season of 'The Tyra Show,'" she wrote on her Web site. "I've been loving having fun, coming into your living rooms, bedrooms [and] hair salons for the past 5 years."

And Tyra was quick to claim she isn't ending her show due to the ratings.

"The thing is, 'The Tyra Show' is not leaving because of YOU. Most times, a show leaves the air because not many people are watching. Well, you all ARE watching, in record numbers. You must know this love and support is always felt by me and it's given me the courage to take more exciting steps in my life. So I thank you for that."

Instead of sitting down to talk to guests on a daily basis, Tyra will shift her focus to Bankable Studios, a film production company based in New York, which she is set to launch.

"This year I'll be unveiling some HUGE surprises from me and my company Bankable - new out-of-the-box projects," Tyra wrote. "And I'm incredibly excited to announce that I'll be launching Bankable Studios soon, which means my company will be making MOVIES!!! And what I love about creating new projects is that it also creates new jobs for talented people, in front of and behind the camera."

Oprah Winfrey also recently announced she would end her daytime TV talk show run in September 2011 in order to concentrate on another project - in Oprah's case the Oprah Winfrey Network.

And Tyra referenced Oprah's big move as she thanked her loyal "Tyra Show" fans.

"Before I go, I have to pay homage to the ultimate Queen of Talk, Oprah, who made a huge impact on my life by giving me my first shot in daytime TV. We all know she announced that her last year with her talk show will be in the 2010-2011 season. We will all miss her show so much," Tyra noted. "And to you Oprah: You have had, and continue to have, such an amazing impact on me. I salute you."

Oprah, I think Tyra really believes you are a queen, what with the saluting and all that. Please use this power over her for evil. Command her to only wear denim, make up laws about her having to eat goat penises, print out money and tell her to use it to fund her stupid upcoming projects. Oprah, you've done so much for this world, can't you just do a little more? Please.