I'm pretty sure, when you're an actress being interviewed by Marie Claire, you're supposed to talk about gardening and dresses and all that crap that kills erections. Natalie Portman, on the other hand, talked about smoking pot, drinking and making out with chicks - Proving once again how awesome she really is.

When it comes to the Hollywood world of partying, Natalie Portman told the January issue of Marie Claire that she was a late bloomer.

"I didn't really go to high school parties," she told the mag. "I didn't touch pot till I was in my 20s. I didn't get flat-out drunk until I went to college. But I think that's a good thing in many ways."

One person Natalie will get intimate with in the future is "Black Swan" co-star Mila Kunis, whom she has an intense sex scene with in the upcoming film.

In a separate interview with BlackBook, Mila weighed in on the scene - news of which rocked Internet fan sites.

"She's a nerd's idea of heaven," Mila said. "It's two girls making out, and guys have a thing for that. And Nat is like every guy's dream... The whole thing is silly, but I can see why people care."

Mila, come close. Closer. Really close. Ok, now listen... if you ever belittle two girls making out, geek chicks or Natalie Portman again, I will rip out your spine and beat you with it. And no one will blame me. You think we need Meg on Family Guy? No, we do not.

So yes, Tiger Woods came out and admitted he was all sorts of cheating on his wife, which may have then caused her to beat him savagely with a golf club. Now, America is feeling the loss of a role model - someone we all looked up to, who turned out to be, in essence, just as awesomely awful as the rest of us.

But buck up people, it's time to move on to the next stage of grief in the celebrity reputation death cycle - semi-famous people we've never heard of coming out to give their two cents. Take it away, crazy name:

Jesper Parnevik, the Swedish golfer who introduced Tiger Woods to wife Elin Nordegren, had some strong words for his PGA competitor over Tiger's brewing scandal.

"I feel really sorry for Elin," he told The Golf Channel on Wednesday regarding a number of reports alleging Tiger has hooked up with up to three separate women over the last few years. Elin, a former model, served as his nanny before meeting Tiger.

"I would be especially sad about it since I'm kind of -- I really feel sorry for Elin -- since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him," Jesper told ESPN. "We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of the 3-iron."

The golfer referred to reports that Elin had attacked Tiger before his early morning SUV crash on Friday, which the golf superstar has denied.

"It's a private thing, of course," Jesper continued. "But when you are the guy he is, the world's best athlete, you should think more before you do stuff. . . And maybe not just do it, like Nike says."

That's true, Tiger. And next time, you should find out if it's in you to cheat on your wife and then you can have it your way and not have to think different. By the end of the affair, you could be sponsored by Gatorade, McDonalds and Apple - sweet deal, Tiger!

So famed 80's icon Meredith Baxter came out to the media and admitted she was gay. My favorite part is it took her three husbands to figure it out - or maybe it was because of the three husbands that she became a lesbian. Am I right, ladies? Men. Right? You know it.

Meredith Baxter, a star of the 1980's sitcom "Family Ties", said on Wednesday she was a lesbian as media reports and published photos of her and a woman embracing began to surface in public.

Baxter, 62, told NBC's "The Today Show" that she discovered she was gay seven years ago, several years after her divorce from her third husband. She said her five children, who range from ages 25 to 42, supported her when she told them.

"I am a lesbian, and it was a later-in-life recognition," she said. "I got involved with someone I never expected to get involved with, and it was that kind of awakening. I had a great deal of difficulty connecting with men in relationships."

Her comments came amid recent online photographs of her walking with her girlfriend of four years, building contractor Nancy Locke, and reports that she attended a Caribbean cruise with some 1,200 lesbians, which she confirmed.

Baxter said she decided to speak to the media to set the facts straight. She also said she was once so paranoid the media would expose her secret that she asked Locke, who was openly gay, to park her truck farther away.

"She said, 'No'. I thought, 'All right.' I had to reach a level of comfort. It wasn't fair to push her back into some kind of secrecy, and the nice thing is that we live very 'out' lives in Los Angeles," Baxter said. (reuters)

I like how Meredith was worried she'd be persecuted for being a lesbian - like her soaring career might fail if she came out. I think you had it all wrong though, Meredith. This is the first time in decades I've heard you name when not on a VH1 Special. Admit you have a coke problem as well and you've got your own show on E!, no sweat.

Jessica Simpson went to the opening night of her sister Ashlee's play in a dress made from a flattened disco ball. It's burning my eyes to look at these pictures... No, not from the glare off the shiny material - I just writhe in pain whenever I look at fat chicks. Uggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

PETA realized they've stopped shocking people by putting naked women in their ads or having porn stars wear vegetable-underwear, so they've upped their game... From the picture above, it should be pretty obvious who they've pissed off now.

The Catholic League has condemned Joanna Krupa's racy ads for PETA in which she lobbies against pet stores and animal breeding. In the "Be An Angel for Animals" campaign, the Playboy model and Dancing with the Stars alum appears as a nude, winged angel: in one, she holds a strategically placed crucifix; in another, she holds her dog and a rosary.

The Catholic League, calling PETA "animal killers" and "a fraud," says that the organization "exploits Christian symbols" with the new Krupa billboards.

Krupa fired back in a statement Tuesday: "It's understandable that the Catholic League is wary of another sex scandal, but the sex we're talking about pertains to dogs and cats."

She continues: "As a practicing Catholic, I am shocked that the Catholic League is speaking out against my PETA ads, which I am very proud of. I'm doing what the Catholic Church should be doing, working to stop senseless suffering of animals, the most defenseless of god's creation."

Is Jesus weeping? Yes, but those tears are coming out of his penis.

So there are all these rumors floating around that Tiger Woods crashed his car because his crazy blond wife beat him repeatedly with a golf club while they were driving. I believe it - The Florida police, however, don't and have closed the case. They're going to be really embarrassed when Tiger shows up to his next tournament with a three-iron jammed into his skull.

Florida authorities are closing the car accident case on Tiger Woods, and will not do more than issue a minor traffic ticket with a possible $164 fine to the golfer.

"The investigation has concluded that Mr. Woods is at fault in the crash," a Florida Highway Patrol spokeswoman said Tuesday afternoon at a press conference, saying that they found that Woods, 33, had not driven in a "careful and prudent manner" when he was hurt in a one-car crash outside his Orlando home.

In addition to the fine, the careless-driving citation could give Woods four points on his driver's license, if he is found guilty. There will be no criminal charges, and the case is closed, the spokeswoman said.

Police said there were no claims of domestic violence in the case and "there was insufficient evidence available to issue a subpoena for additional medical information that may exist."

"Mr. Woods has satisfied the requirements of Florida law by providing" his driver's license, registration, and insurance information, and was not required to submit to interviews or give evidence, she said. (People)

I bet the police didn't question Tiger anymore because his wife asked them not to, and you pretty much do whatever a super-hot blond model asks you to. That, or she was slowly swinging his driver back and forth, and you pretty much do whatever a super-hot insane blond model asks you to.

Not only is Rihanna hot and naked and taking photos of herself while being hot and naked, she's also encouraging other girls to do the same. I think we've just found the new voice of our generation.

Rihanna says she's all for women taking naked photos of themselves while they are in their prime.

"In 20 years, you'll regret it if you didn't," Rihanna laughed during an interview with KIIS FM's "On Air With Ryan Seacrest" on Tuesday.

The pop singer, who just released her new album, "Rated R," last week, also confirmed reports that her pool man has seen her naked.

"Oh my God! These are all true [rumors]," she told Ryan. "I don't like, flaunt my stuff to him. I just have no idea what day it is ever, so I never remember what day he comes and I'm always just walking around my house."

The 21-year-old superstar said she likes to relax when she gets to her home in Los Angeles, but doesn't often pay attention to the date that the pool cleaner is scheduled for a visit.

"He comes one day a week. I'm never in LA so when I come, I'm not thinking, 'There's a pool guy that's going to come,'" she said. "[I'm come in], let me go to the refrigerator, grab a bottle of coconut water and then I turn around and it's like, Frozen. Freeze."

I only have one thing to say about this: Chris Brown, I'm going to punch you so hard in the face. That is all.