I'm going to go with whore. No, spoiled whore. No no, attention seeking, dumb as rocks, tone deaf spoiled whore. Am I right? Do I win anything? Paris Hilton's latest set of ads for this Spring/Summer 2009 clothing line told me to Guess, so I am. I'm pretty sure I got this one right.

Fred Durst did it all for the Twookie (that's twitter nookie, for those keeping track). The Limp Bizkit singer announced on his twitter page that he is now engaged. Yeah, he's classy like that.

"Great news – I'm getting married to Esther (Nazaro)] in July!!!!" he wrote. "It's on!! Break out the bubbly!!"

He went on to say in another tweet, "I've never known true love until now. So grateful." Now, for those of you who can remember that far back, you'll know that at one hilarious time Fred dated Britney Spears. Of course, it's not a big shock that Britney wasn't the love of his life, and I'm not sure if that ended up being better for him or Britney.

A wedding is usually a classy event. Of course, MTV hasn't been involved before. An executive producer of MTV's The Hills says they are prepping up to film Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's wedding on Saturday. It's the reason the reality-TV couple weren't on a panel at the William S. Paley Television Festival in Los Angeles, they were too busy learning their lines and practicing for the upcoming scene ... I mean, living their real life in real not-scripted at all actual real reality television. Real!

"It's a big gigantic event that takes the two of them to pull off, said Producer Adam DiVello."

Now, this will be the third time the two have attempted to get hitched. They got "married" in Mexico last November, which doesn't count in the states. Then, they tried at a Beverly Hills courthouse last December, but didn't say "I do," which is kinda important. Now they're going again. There's no way they can actually get married this time, something's going to stop the wedding. I'm thinking terrorists. They'll burst in, kidnap the couple and MTV can run with it all the way to May sweeps. If nothing else, it will finally get the country to believe show is real, or at least make people pray really really hard that it is.

In seems that when she's not busy doing every guy she can while rebounding from her lesbian relationship with Sam Ronson, Lindsay Lohan continues to explore her dwindling career options. The latest rumor is she might do a topless stage show in Las Vegas.

Lohan flew from Los Angeles to Las Vegas on Saturday on the private plane of the producer of Mel B. and Kelly Monaco's "Peepshow" to attend the grand opening of the sexy striptease production, but made the trip more importantly because she had a meeting scheduled with director and Broadway big-wig, Jerry Mitchell.

"Peepshow" is designed to have rotating leads and according to very close inside sources, Lohan is in official negotiations to take over from Monaco who wants to move on and get back to work on "General Hospital," however Mel B. reportedly intends to stay on once her three-month contract is finished. (FOX News)

While this news doesn't surprise me even the slightest bit, what is shocking is how much Lindsay's breasts are sagging already and that anyone would pay money to see them. Check out these pictures of her visiting an optometrist the other day sans bra. At least this puts those implant rumors to rest - either that or she had them done in Tijuana.

What does Lady GaGa do? Someone told me she's a singer, but that can't be right. If she was, I would have heard her sing instead of always seeing pictures of her walking around being weird. I can't decide which part of her outfit confuses me more: the boots a hooker wouldn't wear, the hat you could serve appetizers off of, the deflated tire around her waste, or the dude with the bow-tie standing awkwardly behind her?

Between this and last week's nipple tape incident, Lady GaGa has officially tossed her large goofy hat in the ring alongside Heidi Montag and Lindsay Lohan for Miss Attention Whore 2009 (don't worry ladies, there will be no questions involving gay marriage at this pageant).

They warned me there would be some creepy people on the Internet, but did I listen? Oh no. Apparently Tommy Lee is searching for the love of his life on the Web.

"I love British women and their cute accents. I have lots of lady friends but not anyone making me crazy. There is a girl in London who I’m looking forward to seeing but haven’t met yet, and she is really hot," he said in a recent interview. "We have been communicating but she lives there and I live in the States. I met her on the internet."

Tommy, whatever you do, make damn sure you find out this chick's age. If she's actually female and under 18, run like hell. Otherwise you'll end up buying a plane ticket and flying all the way to England, only to have a sit-down chat with Chris Hanson on To Catch A Predator. He already knows what you're doing there, Tommy, he just wants you to admit it.

Gather round, I have a prediction to make: Kendra Wilkinson's marriage ain't gonna last. Hugh Hefner's former girlfriend is engaged to pro-athlete Hank Baskett, who is a apparently a traditional gentleman and didn't know what a stripper pole was. Also, he's clearly a dirty liar.

"It's strictly workout. That's all it is. At first when I told (Hank) about the stripper pole, he did not know what it was. He was like, 'Are you serious? No, you can't do that...' He's a very conservative guy."

Kendra said that Hank knew she was a toy for playboy's amusement and is OK with it ... only, he doesn't want her posing nude anymore.

"A guy should fall in love with who they met, you know what I'm saying?" Kendra told E! "I never change. (Hank) knows where I come from, he knows I lived at the Playboy mansion for the last five years of my life. I still am wild – but not as wild ... (I'm not going to pose nude anymore.) He gets really mad when I do stuff like that."

You propose to a Girl Next Door and you don't know what a stripper pole is? Riiiight. Is Hank part of some crazy bet where he tries to civilize the wild whore kind of like in Trading Places? If so, he's fighting a losing battle. It's just nature: birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, Playboy Bunnies gotta strip off their clothes and pose for money. It'd really be better for all of us if he just sat back and enjoyed the ride.