Super News is a show that no one watches. Go on, prove me wrong - find me five people who have this show DVR'd. Yeah, that's what I thought. Still, every once in a while they do capture the feelings of a nation, and today, it's all about the dumb obsession with celebrities who twitter. I'd love to say that I don't care, but in about five seconds I'm going to be twittering about this blog that I wrote about how celebrity twittering is dumb in hopes that some celebrity sees it. What can I say, I have a problem.

I don't watch the MTV Movie Awards. If I wanted to see beautiful people accepting fake awards, I'd just look in the mirror. Why yes, I would like this Hairbrush of Excellence, thank you. Still, this clip from yesterday's show is pretty awesome. Sacha Baron Cohen, in promotion of his new film Bruno, ends up teabagging rapper Eminem. The whole thing is obviously fake (let us not forget that at the 2002 show, Eminem punched a puppet because it was annoying him. If this was unexpected, the rapper would have literally shot Sasha in those balls rubbing against his face), but still kind of funny. I mean, who hasn't wanted to rub their junk on Eminem at one point or another. No one? It's just me? Oh well, you're missing out.

Forget children, it's Chris Brown who says the darndest things. The singer/Rihanna-smacker put out a Youtube video where he talks about his new album and all the great things he's been doing recently. Thennnnnnnn he throws something in right at the end.

In (the video), the 20-year-old singer leans in and speaks directly into the camera, which appears to be positioned in front of a bowling lane. He talks about his new album called "Graffiti," and a single expected this summer.

Then he says: "Everybody that's haters, they just been haters. All my real fans, I love you. I ain't a monster." (GMA News)

Yep, this one's for the Chris Brown's fans - all three of you. Go on, stick up for your hero. For the rest of America though, please forward this video to everyone you know, tack it up on your Post Office wall and hold community-watch meetings to talk about the "Chris Brown" issue, because, seriously, this is the face of a monster. Smack smack smack.

Last night was the finale of American Idol. Oh yes, it's finally over. Now, thank god the producers knew there were a slew of boyfriends clawing out their eyes as they were forced to watch. Toward the end, the famed Katrina "Bikini Girl" Darrell came out in, surprise, a bikini and high heels and sang a song. I don't care what song, I wasn't paying attention. Not to be upstaged, fourth-wheel judge Kara DioGaudi joined in, and even unzipped her dress to show her own black bikini.

“What a stomach, Kara,” Ryan Seacrest commented.

I'm never going to complain about two women showing off their bodies for my amusement, but this was quite a stupid stunt. Well, not for Bikini Girl - she knows her place in life (check the box that says 'whore'). But Kara? I know she doesn't have her contract sealed up for next season, but does she really need to go this route to get our attention? You decide. It's time to vote America. Call 1-800-IMDESPERATE to make your choice... Yes, I know it's too many letters, it's not a real number.

Ps. I'm sorry about the terrible video. It's really the only one there is. Still, I'm amazed I found it. Who was sitting at his TV last night filming this show with a camcorder? Sir, let me introduce you to a thing I call "a life."

Pps. Kris Allen won the contest. I know, I don't know who that is either.

Ashton Kutcher is a tool, but at least he's a clever one. In April, the actor beat CNN to 1 million followers on Twitter and donated 10,000 mosquito bed nets to charity for World Malaria Day. He also promised to "ding-dong-ditch" Ted Turner, which is just a little hard to do.

"Ted doesn't really have an accessible home, and Ted doesn't really have an accessible doorbell," he said to the crowd who followed him today as he performed his pranks.

So Ashton and some followers showed up at Ted's Montana Grill in Atlanta, named after Turner, and stacked hundreds of boxes of Ding Dongs in front of the restaurant while ringing a bell.

"Don't be shy, get involved," Ashton told the crowd from the top of a U-Haul van filled with boxes of the Hostess treat. "There are 800 boxes of Ding Dongs. There are approximately 9,600 Ding Dongs here. We have to deliver these to Ted!"

Ashton said on his Twitter page that homeless Atlanta residents enjoyed the Dings Dongs after the prank. To then end the night, Ashton put out a banner with his Twitter name, @aplusk, over CNN's neon logo sign.

Now, Punk'd was an idiotic show and it was made just so Ashton could show how cool he was. That was a fail - the dude is now, and shall always be, a tool. He's not any better here, but the idea of stacking up almost 10,000 Dings Dongs is too hilarious not to applaud. You win this one, Kutcher.

Wow, we are like your own personal movie theater today. I feel like we should be charging you $22.50 for a small popcorn. You want butter? That'll cost you the deed to your house. You don't even want to know the price of a soda to wash it down... (and no, it's not your soul. You read this site, we know there would be nothing to take).

Now, we present to you irrefutable evidence that Denise Richards is a communist. Watch the way she butchers our nation's pastime by singing, nay, mangling, "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at a Chicago Cubs game Friday night. I bet you she also hates our troops, flips off the flag, spits on apple pie, and makes fun of America's greatest entertainer: Dolly Parton. If you see Denise Richards on the streets, you have America's permission to kick her in the shins. Do it for Uncle Sam!

Did you know that Megan Fox is sexy at all times? It's true. A new video at Esquire.com shows her throughout a normal day. Megan does things like wake up in underwear and put on a man's shirt, only to suddenly be by the pool, sunbathing. Just, it's a little weird. Seriously, what's with that bathing suit? When she first has it on, it makes her look like she's got a bigger package than I do. Jeez! My favorite part, though, is when she's in a full length white dress grilling and then eating chicken. Because nothing says "I'm so hot" like a woman with bits of meat in her teeth.

UPDATE: Video removed due to copyright issues, but you can still watch it here.