Lindsay and Ali Lohan went to St. Barth's for their New Years weekend, and so, it was the start of another crappy year for St. Barth's. Seriously island, if you dress yourself up a little bit, put on some makeup, wear some sexy clothing, you could get all sorts of Grade-A celebrities to come to you. Right now, though, you look like a whore and that's just who you're going to get - you have no one to blame but yourself.

Linsday Lohan tweeted on New Years that we can all expect more "positive--LOHAN MAYHEM!!!" this year. That's got to be true, as there was absolutely nothing positive about Lohan or her hilarious mayhem last year. Hey, even a little is an improvement, Lindsay.

The unpredictable 23 year-old rang in the New Year's on the posh island of St. Bart's, using Twitter to post bikini-clad photos of herself on a yacht and name-check fellow island revelers like her little sister Ali Lohan, Beyonce and Jay-Z (a.k.a. "HOV"). (She also sends a friendly Tweet to Cash Warren, Jessica Alba's husband.)

In a New Year's Eve tweet, Lohan wishes her followers a "blessed new year" and warns, "Everyone get ready for more (but positive--LOHAN MAYHEM!!!)" in the coming year.

More mayhem? In 2009, she squabbled bitterly with estranged father Michael (he publicly begged for an intervention and leaked taped family phone conversations to the press); broke up with girlfriend Samantha Ronson; had her probationary period extended for a year; denied accusations of hooking up with the married Warren; debuted a critically savaged clothing collection for Ungaro; was spotted crying at an L.A. club; and claimed to have saved 40 lives during one day of volunteer work in India.

In a slightly quieter mood by Saturday Jan. 2, the actress and designer shares her new year's resolution: "to stop letting the lucky few that have my heart, try2constantly tear me down."

She continues: "2010 is about moving forward, not backwards. Leaving the bad (people, habbits, and negative energy behind) time to make changes-right!?!? :)"

Lindsay, I would start by changing, um, well, everything. First, get a new team of managers. Stop doing all drugs and alcohol, don't brag about thing you can't or haven't done and make a real movie again. Then build your reputation back up, slowly, and stay out of the gossip blogs! ... I say this knowing full well that NO ONE keeps their New Years resolutions. We'll have crotch-flashing drunk-ass Lindsay back by February at the latest. Woohoo.

Lindsay Lohan did an "artistic rendition" of Kate Moss and Johnny Depp's romance in Muse magazine. Now I know there are those who say there is no such thing as "bad art," since all art is creative expression in one way or another. Those people are idiots. Lindsay Lohan has single-handedly set the bar for "Worst Art Ever." I can't be too mad though - it means my finger painted-picture of a duck-cow-thing is just that much better.

It's a day of Lohans here at Celebrity Milkshake, and it just keeps getting better and better. After talking about how Lindsay's dad is a whiny girl, we learn that, apparently, she is too! - only, replace "whiny" with "horny" and replace "girl" with "Jessica Alba husband stealer" and you got one hell of an apt comparison going.

There were barely any celebrities at West Hollywood hotspot Villa the night of November 19 -- which might be why Lindsay Lohan and Cash Warren immediately gravitated towards one another.

Film producer Warren, 30, was partying without Jessica Alba, his wife of one and half years and mom to his daughter Honor, 18 months. "When he goes out with friends, he gets into trouble," a pal says of Alba's husband in the new issue of Us Weekly.

Indeed. Soon after discovering one another at Villa, Warren and Lohan "ignored friends and just chatted." The real trouble began half an hour in. "Lindsay and Cash started making out," an onlooker tells Us.

"Lip on tongue," the eyewitness continues, "It was raw. They were not shy!"

Another Villa patron that night gasped, "It was a shock to see the two of them kiss, but it was real."

For her part, Lohan tells Us that the account is "absurd. He is married. I wouldn't dare kiss him."

But pals of both Lohan and Warren -- who share a love of nightlife -- insist otherwise. Those close to Warren and Alba worry that their marriage is already on shaky footing. "Jessica is not as into Cash as she used to be," one source says.

And the ever-fragile Lohan "becomes easily attached to everyone she meets and gets close to," one friend says. Adds another: "she's falling for [Cash]."

Lindsay's a whore! Jessica can't keep a man! No one cares who Cash Warren is! *GASP* ... Ok, look, there's really nothing new here. The only reason I'm posting this story is that it's a preview of the upcoming Lindsay-Jessica cat-fight. Papparzzi, you best have your cameras rolling on both at all times. I will be very angry if you miss a second when it goes down any time now. Hot damn, this is exiting.

There's an old saying that goes, "You get what you pay for." This makes a lot of sense when dealing with Lindsay Lohan, as she's apparently not being paid for her terrible work as an artistic adviser to fashion house Emanuel Ungaro.

Just months ago, Lindsay Lohan earned a prestigious position as an artistic advisor to fashion house Emanuel Ungaro -- an honor soon dimmed by poor reviews of her first collection for the line with designer Estrella Archs at Paris Spring/Summer 2010 Fashion Week earlier in October.

But according to FOX News, the prestige - and a mountain of free clothes - may be Lindsay's only payment for the gig.

"Ungaro is not paying her at all to be a consultant for them," a source reportedly close to Lindsay told FOX's FOX 411 blog. "Her team is working to get Lindsay some form of payment from the fashion house, but right now they will only give her free clothes."

A source also claimed to the site that Lindsay's much-delayed musical career is on the rocks.

"Casablanca [Records] has suspended all further recording sessions of her album and put their working relationship with her on hold," the source told FOX. "Lindsay was committed to making music and has been working on it for 16 months. She is going to go what she can to keep her music career going."

However, in a Times of London interview with Emanuel Ungaro CEO Mounir Moufarrige on Sunday, the executive disputed the fashion accusations, telling the newspaper that Lindsay is being paid "quite enough" for her new position.

"It's expensive," he said. (Access Hollywood)

Yeah, I can't imagine Lindsay working for free - unless it was for free with the added benefit of all the company coke you can snort. Then Lindsay would be all about the pro bono work.

Linday Lohan got in trouble with the law last week, which then gave her father, Michael Lohan, a chance to talk about himself to the press again, which then gave Lindsay Lohan a chance to yell at her father again - through the press, naturally. Hello, Lohans, if you want to talk to each other there's something called the phone... and the Internet... and writing a good-old-fashioned letter... and talking face-to-face ... I don't want you to do any of these things, since fighting through the media is hilarious, I just like stating the obvious.

As a Los Angeles Superior Court judge spared her jail time by extending her probation stemming from a 2007 DUI arrest one year, Lindsay Lohan says she's tired of her dad, Michael, slamming her in the press as she tries to heal.

"I'm so hurt that someone who calls himself my father, needs to use the press to communicate with me," Lohan, 23, tells Usmagazine.com exclusively as her dad announced plans this week to seek a conservatorship over his daughter to protect her from destructive behavior.

In an interview with Maury Povich that aired last Friday, the actress' father reached out to his daughter, claiming her health is rapidly deteriorating as a result of her behavior.

"There's nothing left of her," he said. "I was out in L.A. with her about three weeks ago when she got robbed. She called me up at 3:30 a.m. and said, 'Daddy, come out here.' I flew out and couldn't even look at her. I had to go outside and cry. When I hugged her, it's just a hollow, hollow person."

In the months since the August burglary, Lindsay says she's cut off all ties with her dad.

"I have not spoken to my father, nor have I responded to his threatening and erratic messages over the last several months," she tells Us of Michael. "It's so sad that he needs to stay in the media spotlight by using my name and making up excessive lies," Lindsay adds. "He should instead try to be a real father."

"Yeah," Lindsay continued, "Like he should fight monsters and save the world and be a millionaire and know how to speak nine languages... I'm sorry, what does a real father do? I've been in movies so long, I've lost track of what's reality. Do real fathers share their coke and booze with their kids? I'm going to say yes. Come on Michael, be a real dad!"

It's got to be tough being Lindsay Lohan - the press is always watching and won't let you get away with anything. Like in 2007, when she was caught driving while drunk and high on cocaine, she had to do a day in jail, 10 days of community service and then 36 months of probation. Wow, what a tough life. And now they might have caught her drinking and driving, even though she wasn't supposed to. Poor Lindsay, we should all beat her to death, just to put her out of her misery.

Actress Lindsay Lohan has been ordered to appear in court on Friday following media reports that she may have violated the terms of an alcohol education program imposed for a 2007 drunk driving case.

Lohan, 23, risks being sent to jail if she is found to have broken her probation or other orders imposed as part of her sentence.

Beverly Hills Superior Court judge Marsha Revel told Lohan to attend Friday's normally routine hearing in person, court officials said.

Celebrity web site TMZ.com said officials running the alcohol education program had expressed concern about Lohan to the court.

Wait wait wait, isn't one of the perks of being a celebrity to have your own driver. Why the hell is Lindsay driving herself anyway when she could be sitting in the back of a limo, snorting tons and tons of coke. That's what that front seat divider was made for Lindsay, come on!