You know what they say: "You're not a crazy stalker until proven in a court of law - Then you can put it on a buisness card as a profession."

A judge on Monday ordered a woman to stay away from Justin Timberlake for the next three years.

Timberlake wrote in court filings that Karen McNeil repeatedly showed up at his house and trespassed on his property last month.

McNeil, who represented herself in the case, opposed the court order, writing in a court document that she thought she was destined to marry Timberlake and "to rule" with him.

During the hearing, Judge David S. Cunningham III ordered a five-minute recess after an outburst by McNeil when the judge issued the order.

Outside court, McNeil said, "That was all lies. I did not break into Justin's house. I was let on the property."

I got to hand it to this woman, she actually has her insanity written down on a legal document. Most stalkers don't make it past creepy Web blogs. Good for you lady...good for you.

Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are over! Splitsville, baby. Done, finito, through...unless, maybe they're not. No no, they are, because Justin is now with Rihanna...unless that's wrong too. Ok, all we know is that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake were dating, possibly still are and maybe will continue to in the future, that's for sure.

A new report from Us Weekly, featured on the cover of their latest issue, screams "It's Over!" between the stars who have been dating for three years.

Star magazine goes so far as to claim in their latest issue that Justin is now romantically involved with Rihanna.

However, a source close to the couple has told Access Hollywood the story is absolutely "not true." In addition, Splash News spotted the couple hand-in-hand on Tuesday night in Napa Valley in northern California.

And X-17 Online spotted the couple on a romantic getaway in Santa Barbara, Calif., this past weekend.

According to Us Weekly's story, which claims Justin and Jessica have called it quits, it was Justin who put an end to the relationship, and he did so over the phone.

"It was about a month ago," the mag quoted a mutual friend of the couple as saying of the breakup, adding that Jessica is in "severe denial" over the split.

Despite the cover story claiming "It's Over!," Us Weekly quoted yet another source as saying, "There's no way of knowing if it's a firm breakup, because with them it's so hot and cold."

I never understood why Justin Timberlake was in a relationship anyway. I mean, granted, Jessica Beil is about as awesome as they come, but he's J freakin' T. The man walks into a room and snaps his fingers and every woman is suddenly not wearing underwear. If he looks at a chick the right way, she can't be with another man ever again - hell, she can't even be with another woman - and she knows it. Justin once walked into a nunnery for exactly 32 seconds and when he left it had already become a strip joint, true story! Anyway, Jessica, you're clearly not enough woman for JT, if you love him, let him go.

They say you know the spark's gone out of a relationship when the couple no longer care what they're wearing. It's true - I knew my marriage was over when my wife started only wearing garbage bags. This is a bad sign for Justin Timberlake and Jessica Beil, who decided to dress themselves off the racks of Salvation Army while out shopping together. He's in workout shorts and velcro shoes, she's in a skirt that looks like it was made from my curtains. Also they're both wearing sunglasses to hide their shame. That's where you find shame, you know, in the eyes. Oh sure, you can hide it by going out each night, finding a place to pay strippers for money, drinking and drugging and then uncontrollably sobbing as the prostitute you just banged is passed out and possible dead on the other side of the room, but you can't block that shame. No sir.

Anyway, I give them two weeks.

One could claim that Justin Timberlake is a man who has everything: money, fame, and an incredibly hot Jessica Biel as a girlfriend. So as the age-old adage goes - What do you get for this kind of man? The answer is more darkness, apparently. That, or a magic potion that makes people not see you when you make out with a whore in a club, he'd like that too. Gossip blog Poison Ivy said they saw Justin with some chick in a New York club:

Poison Ivy spotted a very intoxicated JT at Avenue nightclub in New York’s Chelsea district Monday night, kissing, holding hands and canoodling with an unknown brunette in a white hat.”

Suspicious, since anyone can say anything they want on the internet. But apparently this was confirmed by good-old Lindsay Lohan, who was at the club and posted the photo above on Twitter.

“So dark- where’s jb cheater," she wrote on twitter. JB standing for Jessica Biel.

Two unreliable sources saying the same thing? Yep, that's all the proof I need. Time to go get JT! Mainstream media, grab your torches and pitchfork, we're going monster hunting. That is, unless Justin apologizes right now, then everything is forgiven... aw, never mind, I can't stay mad at JT no matter what. Here, Justin, take this envelope full of cash, you need it more than those starving orphans. No one's going to love them anyway, with or without food.

Justin Timberlake seems like one of those celebrities who can do something stupid and always get away with it. His friends, however, are a different story. A woman named Alison McDaniel filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against JT and his business partners yesterday. She said she was a manager in Timberlake's New York City restaurant and forced to watch porn with some of the men.

McDaniel claims Timberlake's business partners Eytan Sugarman and Ronnie Kaplan are guilty of “vile and discriminatory conduct.”

McDaniel, 29, said her job as general manager became an X-rated nightmare in which she was spit on, pelted with expletives and subjected to porn. “In at least one instance, defendants Sugarman and Kaplan viewed … pornography while in a locked room with McDaniel and made fun of her when she began crying,” the suit filed in Manhattan Supreme Court claims.

McDaniel, who worked at the Second Ave. restaurant for a year, was fired after she wrote a memo complaining of the harassment, the suit claims.(The Daily Mail)

I like how the girl's not just targeting the perverted nobody's who were actually involved, but going straight to the multi-millionaire singer who was probably off banging Jessica Biel during the incident. The worst part is that JT will probably pay her off, just to make it go away. This reminds me that I have to get started on my own easy-money-making scheme: Get sexually harassed at MC Hammer's disco and then rake in the cash... MC Hammer still has money right? I made this plan when I was 6.

Justin Timberlake has made so many guest appearances on Saturday Night Live over the past few years, I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to give up recording albums and just make goofy music videos with Andy Samberg all the time. For last weekend's episode, Timberlake and Samberg made a sequel to Dick in a Box with a song about how they forgot mother's day so they need to basically have sex with each other's moms to make up for it. Susan Sarandon and Patricia Clarkson appear as their aforementioned mothers.

Justin Timberlake is going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro to bring awareness to the global water crisis. I wish I was kidding. He's going to go with rapper Lupe Fiasco and singer Kenna sometime soon.

"I've been training four times a week to get my VO2 [oxygen consumption] levels up to expand my lungs," Justin told GQ Magazine. "We'll climb for a week straight, carrying 30 pounds on our backs. It's going to be intense, but it's going to be so rewarding."

Ugh, can't you just see Justin sitting in a golden throne in his palace, stroking his goatee, thinking out loud, "Man, I really want to solve the global water crisis, but I don't know how. It's just such a mountain of a problem..." Then the light bulb goes off, he snaps his fingers and prepares to scale Kilimanjaro with other celebrities, all while people continue to die of dehydration around the world. Why can't celebrities ever do anything just because they thought it would be cool as opposed to doing it under the guise of some crap social awareness angle that makes no sense?

In related news, I'm going extreme skiing next week to bring awareness to Multiple sclerosis. Because you know, people with MS can't even ski.