Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are over! Splitsville, baby. Done, finito, through...unless, maybe they're not. No no, they are, because Justin is now with Rihanna...unless that's wrong too. Ok, all we know is that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake were dating, possibly still are and maybe will continue to in the future, that's for sure.

A new report from Us Weekly, featured on the cover of their latest issue, screams "It's Over!" between the stars who have been dating for three years.

Star magazine goes so far as to claim in their latest issue that Justin is now romantically involved with Rihanna.

However, a source close to the couple has told Access Hollywood the story is absolutely "not true." In addition, Splash News spotted the couple hand-in-hand on Tuesday night in Napa Valley in northern California.

And X-17 Online spotted the couple on a romantic getaway in Santa Barbara, Calif., this past weekend.

According to Us Weekly's story, which claims Justin and Jessica have called it quits, it was Justin who put an end to the relationship, and he did so over the phone.

"It was about a month ago," the mag quoted a mutual friend of the couple as saying of the breakup, adding that Jessica is in "severe denial" over the split.

Despite the cover story claiming "It's Over!," Us Weekly quoted yet another source as saying, "There's no way of knowing if it's a firm breakup, because with them it's so hot and cold."

I never understood why Justin Timberlake was in a relationship anyway. I mean, granted, Jessica Beil is about as awesome as they come, but he's J freakin' T. The man walks into a room and snaps his fingers and every woman is suddenly not wearing underwear. If he looks at a chick the right way, she can't be with another man ever again - hell, she can't even be with another woman - and she knows it. Justin once walked into a nunnery for exactly 32 seconds and when he left it had already become a strip joint, true story! Anyway, Jessica, you're clearly not enough woman for JT, if you love him, let him go.

They say you know the spark's gone out of a relationship when the couple no longer care what they're wearing. It's true - I knew my marriage was over when my wife started only wearing garbage bags. This is a bad sign for Justin Timberlake and Jessica Beil, who decided to dress themselves off the racks of Salvation Army while out shopping together. He's in workout shorts and velcro shoes, she's in a skirt that looks like it was made from my curtains. Also they're both wearing sunglasses to hide their shame. That's where you find shame, you know, in the eyes. Oh sure, you can hide it by going out each night, finding a place to pay strippers for money, drinking and drugging and then uncontrollably sobbing as the prostitute you just banged is passed out and possible dead on the other side of the room, but you can't block that shame. No sir.

Anyway, I give them two weeks.

One could claim that Justin Timberlake is a man who has everything: money, fame, and an incredibly hot Jessica Biel as a girlfriend. So as the age-old adage goes - What do you get for this kind of man? The answer is more darkness, apparently. That, or a magic potion that makes people not see you when you make out with a whore in a club, he'd like that too. Gossip blog Poison Ivy said they saw Justin with some chick in a New York club:

Poison Ivy spotted a very intoxicated JT at Avenue nightclub in New York’s Chelsea district Monday night, kissing, holding hands and canoodling with an unknown brunette in a white hat.”

Suspicious, since anyone can say anything they want on the internet. But apparently this was confirmed by good-old Lindsay Lohan, who was at the club and posted the photo above on Twitter.

“So dark- where’s jb cheater," she wrote on twitter. JB standing for Jessica Biel.

Two unreliable sources saying the same thing? Yep, that's all the proof I need. Time to go get JT! Mainstream media, grab your torches and pitchfork, we're going monster hunting. That is, unless Justin apologizes right now, then everything is forgiven... aw, never mind, I can't stay mad at JT no matter what. Here, Justin, take this envelope full of cash, you need it more than those starving orphans. No one's going to love them anyway, with or without food.

You think you've got problems? What about poor Jessica Biel. Apparently, casting directors don't like to see her for parts because she's too attractive. No, I'm not kidding. She whined about it to Allure Magazine.

"Yeah, it really is a problem," Jessica said. "I have to be blunt."

Jessica said that she wants a career like Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman, who don't suffer the same tragedies that she does. Really, Jessica? You're picking those two and saying that it's hard to be beautiful in Hollywood. Are you an idiot? No, no, again, you're just full of yourself.

"I just want an opportunity. If you don't like the audition, don't hire me!" she said. "But if you don't want to even see me -- that's hurtful. And why? You know nothing about me!"

Here's a thought, Jess. If you want to be taken seriously for movies, don't do topless scenes for films that go straight to DVD. In terms of career moves, that's somewhere between death and porn. At least in porn you get to use a fake name.

Good news for people who like to watch high-class strippers at low-class prices. Powder Blue, Jessica Biel's new movie where she plays a down-on-her-luck stripper, is going straight to DVD, according to Access Hollywood.

The movie stars Jessica alongside Ray Liotta, Forest Whitaker, Patrick Swayze and Lisa Kudrow. It follows four people who are intertwined by chance on Christmas Eve. Image Entertainment will release the DVD on May 26.

You know how you can tell when a movie really, really sucks? When Jessica Biel actually gets naked in it but the movie is still so bad they decide to release it on DVD.

A few months back we happily announced that Jessica Biel would be doing some onscreen nudity for the first time for her upcoming movie Powder Blue, in which she plays a desperate single mother who becomes a stripper. Access Hollywood did a behind-the-scenes piece with Biel and she demonstrates her learning process and practices some of her stripper moves. In advance, I'd like to sincerely thank Jessica's agent for allowing this to happen.

Rumors are circulating that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake's relationship has hit a rough patch and the two may be going their separate ways soon. The problem? Timberlake's wandering eye.

“They’ve been fighting lately,” says another friend, adding that the main issue is JT’s incorrigibly roving eye. “Justin has always loved women – singing about them, looking at them, flirting with them. He can’t help it!”

“Jessica’s seen Justin flirt, but says it’s all in good fun,” the pal tells OK!. “But she has told him that if they get engaged, it’s got to end. Things seem a bit tense with them, but they’re trying to get past the rough patches.”

On the other hand, the insider reveals to OK!, “Justin asked one of his longtime best friends how much time he’d need to give Jessica if he asked her to move out of their New York City apartment without seeming like a jerk.” (OK! Magazine)

In related news, Justin Timberlake is an idiot. Most guys would happily sell their own mothers on the underground sex slave market if it meant they could get a piece of Jessica Biel. Everyone needs a good burger now and then, but when you're eating filet mignon every night you should just shut your mouth and enjoy it.