In case you thought you had a shot with Katy Perry (and, please, ignore my laughing), you may be out of luck. Us Weekly is reporting she is now engaged to Russell Brand. But don't worry too much - a marriage like this will never last, and you should have the perfect amount of time to grow your hair long and stop showering. That's what clearly gets her attention, after all.

Months after meeting at the MTV Video Music Awards, Katy Perry and show host, Russell Brand, are engaged, according to Us Weekly.

According to the mag, the couple got engaged five days ago. A source said Russell, 34, proposed to the American singer, 25, with a ring.

The two have been on vacation together in India and have been Tweeting pictures of their trip, including shots of monkeys, Katy's henna tattoo and a cute shot of the couple in front of the Taj Mahal.

"[The trip] was his Christmas gift," a source close to Perry told the mag. "She told him how much she loved Indian culture while they were eating curry in England, so he surprised her."

As previously reported on AccessHollywood.com, just last month, Russell told Britain's "GMTV" host Lorraine Kelly that he was head over heels for Katy.

"I'm ever so happy," he told the Scottish TV presenter of being in a relationship with the star. "It's really nice and relaxing to not always be thinking - say for example there's some ladies here [in the studio] - I'd have to do routine checks."

When asked if the two raven-haired stars might eventually walk down the aisle, Russell's eyes lit up.

"I don't know. Get married you say? That would be good," he said.

Of course it would be good, she's a successful singer with giant hoo-hoos and you're an unwashed awful comedian - she's your golden meal ticket, man. You hold onto her like she's dear life, because, for you Russell, she absolutely is.

Katy Perry pulled a "Madonna" at the MTV EMA's and donned exactly one million costumes. While some were weird to the point of being sexy (or vice versa), the one that's sticking out to everyone is the lingerie with boyfriend Russell Brand's name on the ass. That's an impressive way to mark your chick, Russ, I'm impressed. It's a hell of a lot classier than the way I do it: Take a marker and write "Alex Was Here" on inappropriate places on their body when they're asleep. It's always a fun surprise for them in the morning ... Man, I've had the cops called on me so many times.

Russel Brand, douchebag ________ (fill in your own word. I'll give you a few to start: comedian, award-show-host, non-showering swamp-creature, douchebag), has aparently starting dating hot-singer-who-should-shut-her-mouth Katy Perry. How? By writing her a poem, I kid you not:

The womanizing actor, who first locked lips with the "I Kissed a Girl" singer at an MTV Video Music Awards after-party, recently texted her a love poem he wrote himself, according to a friend. "It was cute," our source says. "And the best part is that Katy responded by sending him a topless photo of herself." (Page Six)

Holy hell, is that all it takes, Katy? Then have I got something for you. Ready:

Katy-
Roses are red
I want some pickles
I love you a lot
Now show me your nipples

TADA! ... Ok, let's see'em.

They say that laughter is the best medicine, but does that means the unfunny things are actually killing us? If so, then MTV might be the next Hitler - that's right, I said it. Case in point, this new promo for the upcoming Video Music Awards on MTV. This one shows Britney Spears in a bikini and host/comedian/unfunny-comedian Russel Brand thinking about each other. Then Russel tries to get Britney to sleep with him by talking with a falsetto voice. HILARIOUS! If this a taste of what the show's going to be like, then I may be forced to do what I've already been doing and continue to not give a crap about MTV.

Whenever I'm channel surfing and stop at MTV, I usually end up throwing the remote so hard the television explodes. (The Red Sox wanted that pitching arm, but I said no, reporting celebrity gossip is just too important.) Seriously, MTV sucks. I guess it's fitting that for the second year in a row, they'll have comedian Russell Brand host their Video Music Awards, since he sucks almost as hard and long.

Brand -- who is currently filming the sequel to Forgetting Sarah Marshall -- was welcomed back with open arms, despite causing controversy at last year's event by ribbing the Jonas Brothers in his opening monologue.

During the show's open, Brand (a confessed former sex addict) repeatedly joked about the Jonas' purity rings, saying they should take advantage of their celeb status to get lucky. He later apologized.

"We are thrilled that despite numerous death threats from Jonas Brothers fans, Russell Brand has accepted our offer to put his life on the line and host the VMAs again this year," MTV's General Manager, Stephen Friedman, told Usmagazine.com in a statement.

Ugh, did you see that video above? I would rather watch everything else MTV has to offer, twice, instead of sitting through his VMAs again. Yes, that includes whatever Tila Tequila is doing now. Still, as awful as he is, I guess the world needs Russel Brand - Without him, what would women use to clean out their vaginas?