I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here is a terrible show on NBC that, like a good horror movie monster, keeps coming back from the dead. The ratings are bad and no one watches, but every summer, there it is. I have to imagine it sucks so awfully because they don't have people like Katie Price, shown here in some promotional shots for the English version. If she was on it, I'd watch that program. I wouldn't even care what they were doing, I'm not missing a minute. NBC, you could learn something from England - big boobs equals big ratings. I mean, that's FOX's mantra right there and they're doing juuuuuuuuuuust fine.

Look, I'm going to be honest here - I'm not a big fan of animals. So I guess it shouldn't shock you that I don't care how many peacocks were plucked to make this outfit. In fact, I encourage it. Go ahead, do whatever you want: pluck'em, shave'em, cook'em, turn'em into a peacock stew - as long as it means Katie Price will keep wearing outfits like this. What's that, Katie? You want to have national blast a peacock in the face day? Sounds a little weird to me, but hey, it's a party.

Books are awesome. Wait, did I say books? I meant boobs. Boobs are awesome. Katie "Jordan" Price knows this. She writes terrible romance novels that no one in their right mind would read, much less buy. Then she shows up to her book signings dressed like this, making everyone go out of their right mind. I bet her latest book, Sapphire, sells a million billion quazillion copies. Take that, Harry Potter!

Katie Price is English, but we'll forgive her for that because she's hot. I guess she had some sort of breakup with her famous singer boyfriend Peter Andre, but he's British too and not a chick, so no one cares/has heard of him. It's been causing some controversy in England, though, because now Katie Price is trying to clean up her image.

The 31-year-old glamour model has decided to launch her own charity in a bid to improve her image after her messy break-up with Peter Andre, the Mirror reports. The Katie Price Foundation will focus on helping sick and disabled children enjoy a better quality of life.

“She may have been acting more like an out-of-control glamour model of late but behind the glitz she’s a mother and has a heart,” said a source close to the model. “And she wants to help other parents like her who are less fortunate.”

An idiot model who wants to help out the less fortunate and stuff? Hmmmm, I think I've heard this before...but where? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

As a make-pretend woman's health doctor, I'm very glad that Katie "Jordan" Price took my advice to give herself frequent breast examinations while on vacation in Spain. That's good Katie, now, check to make sure they're still there. Good, good. Now, lift one up to make sure your implants haven't popped and deflated. Still the same size? Excellent. Ok, take off your top and do the backstroke for the next half an hour in the pool. What do you mean, what kind of examination is this? JUST DO IT!