Ah the curse of being on American Idol: you get your pathetic five minutes of fame and then no one cares about you until you screw up - then it's all they can talk about. Luckily, it wasn't runner-up David Archuleta who was caught with a hooker, but his father. Don't get me wrong, there is still shame running throughout his family and he may have to kill himself to make amends, but that's the price we pay for living in Feudal Japan. That's where we live, right?

Jeff Archuleta pleaded no contest and paid a $582 fine after being busted at the Queens of Reiki on Jan. 14 in Midvale, Utah. During the raid, Midvale officers found one client receiving services, according to news reports.

"Two of our detectives went back to that room to stop the activity," Midvale Police Sgt. John Salazar told news outlets. "Inside they found a female masseuse and male client. At that time an interview ensued and the male client admitted to receiving sexual gratification from the masseuse."

Jeff Archuleta, 41, was that male client, according to court documents. But his lawyer Eric Bauer told NBC4 in Midvale that he was there getting legitimate massage therapy for his back.

Well of course it's legitimate therapy for your back. A happy ending is legitimate therapy for everything, that's why it's got such a pleasant name. It's like how drugs are sometimes called "candy" and that thing I do in my spare time is known as "tickling my funny bone." You can't judge a man for any of those harmless happy things, especially not the last one. Really really not the last one. Please don't judge me... aw, here comes the guilt. I'm sorry Jesus, forgive me!