How much do you think the cast of The Hills should make per episode? Fifty? Sixty? Seventy cents per episode? A dollar? Well, prepare yourself for a massive amount of hysterical crying - they make more than $100,000 per episode!

The Daily Beast reported on Monday that Audrina Patridge, Lauren "Lo" Bosworth and Heidi Montag are all earning $100,000 an episode, just $25,000 less than ex-"Hills" star Lauren Conrad earned before she departed the show this summer.

Former "Laguna Beach" star Kristin Cavallari joined "The Hills" with a reported $90,000 per episode salary, giving her a bigger paycheck then series regular, Hollywood bad boy King Spencer Pratt.

Spencer, the report claimed, is earning just $65,000 an episode. But his salary is still more than his pal Brody Jenner, who the report claimed earns just $45,000.

But the reality stars and starlets can make money outside of their MTV neighborhood too, thanks to personal appearance fees. Celebrity booking agent Mike Esterman told the Web site, some of the show's ladies can earn $20,000-$25,000 for personal appearances. Additionally, Heidi reportedly took home $375K for her Playboy cover shoot over the summer.

Ugh, when I was little, my mom told me I needed to go to school because I couldn't make a living out of being a shallow, unfunny, moron. Well, who's the moron now mom! ... I guess it's all of us for paying them this much.

ps. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Spencer sucks!

Dear Maxim,

I know you and I haven't always gotten along. I've had a thing for your hot cousin Playboy as long as I can remember - mostly because it contains actual articles written by intelligence authors. Mmmhmm. Oh, also, there are naked chicks, and you really can't compete with that. Still, your recent spread of Audrina Patridge in your October issue is possibly the greatest gift you've ever given me. I'm not sure if we'll ever be more than just friends, but I wanted to say, thank you from the deepest part of my heart.

xoxoxoxoxo
Alex

I love a restaurant with a sense of humor and a love of fine, sexy women. Carl's Jr. put Audrina Patridge in a gold bikini, had her roll around on a beach and then shove meat into her mouth, all to promote their Teriyaki Burger. Then they rolled out their slogan (for their food only): "More than a piece of meat." If Carl's Jr. was a guy, I would give him a hi-five and then take him out to a strip joint to get drunk and laid. He'd definitely be that dude who would take home one, no, two strippers from the place and then I wouldn't see him for three days. Later I would find out he was stabbed and robbed and he's now in the hospital. That dude always has the best stories. Carl's Jr., you the man.

Audrina Patridge of MTV's "reality" show The Hills is reportedly calling it quits after the upcoming 5th season and may be getting her own reality show.

Audrina Patridge has signed a new deal with Mark Burnett Productions, the company behind such long-standing reality hits as Survivor and The Apprentice. The series will follow the brunette beauty through her professional and personal life, and will be pitched to networks starting next week.

Patridge recently filmed roles in the horror flick Sorority Row and straight-to-video's Into the Blue 2: The Reef. (E! News)

Get ready reality fans! If you're desperate to see what it's like on the set of straight-to-video movies and hanging at pool parties with a bunch of douchebags, Audrina's new show will be just the ticket. If this thing actually gets picked up it'll probably make The Hills seem like a masterpiece in comparison. She'd better spend at least half of every episode in her bikini, because viewers can only stand those vacant wide-eyed stares for so long.

Audrina Patridge informed People Magazine that the hit MTV "reality" show The Hills would in fact be returning for a 5th season despite speculation that this season would be its last.

“There is going to be a fifth season,” Patridge tells PEOPLE. “We just found out.”

Patridge, who recently filmed the thriller Sorority Row with Rumer Willis, adds that — despite all the drama — she and her costars have a good time filming the show: “We have fun with each other and we’ve stuck it out this long, so we might as well do another one.”

But Patridge admits that the cast’s divergent interests have made filming difficult.

“At one point, all of us were like, ‘No, we don’t want to do another season,’” she says. “I wanted to do more movies, and Whitney moved to New York and she’s doing her own spin-off. And Lauren’s dating [My Boys actor] Kyle [Howard] but he can’t be on the show because he’s on another show, so that makes it hard.”

Something else that wasn’t easy: Recent buzz that Conrad had a fling with Patridge’s sometime-boyfriend Justin Bobby.

“It was really hard — one of his best friends that told me that, and I called Lauren and she hangs up on me,” Patridge says of the rumor, which turned out to be false. “And then once I sat them down and talked to them, I was like, ‘Okay, this is all I needed!’ You’ll see it on the show. It was very emotional.”

This is all a nice PR spin way of saying that the cast of the show explored their other options, realized they had none, and figured they should grab whatever money MTV was willing to throw at them before they ultimately decide to pose for Playboy and then fade into obscurity.

I'd also like to add that Audrina is even dumber than we all thought; she's still talking about the rumor involving Lauren and Audrina's ex-boyfriend even though it was already revealed that the publicity whore made the whole thing up herself. Did you ever consider that Lauren hung up on you because she heard you started the rumor in the first place? Like, OMG!

Oh well, I shouldn't complain; at least the girls on the show are nice to look at if you can get past the vapid emptiness of their existence (my penis says no problem). Here's Audrina taking her new titties out for a test drive in a bikini earlier this year.

Audrina Patridge may always have those blank, empty-headed stares that don't exactly scream out with intelligence, but she does seem aware enough to realize that her 15 minutes are almost up now that The Hills is nearing its conclusion.

First she did the bikini photo shoot in the latest issue of Maxim, then she tried to spread a rumor about Lauren Conrad hooking up with her ex-boyfriend in a desperate attempt for headlines, and now she's back in her bikini again while appearing on The Ellen Show and volunteering to face the dunk tank.

Face it, Audrina, it's over. Unless that sequel for Into the Blue turns out to be a breathtaking piece of cinema (they rarely put such films straight to DVD), you might as well just take those fake titties over to Hef's and pose for Playboy while people still remember you.

Reality television "star" Audrina Patridge from MTV's The Hills did a photo shoot for Maxim magazine's October issue, rocking a bikini of course.

Back when Audrina first appeared on The Hills I thought she was actually pretty cute, but if you ask me those over-sized fun-bags look ridiculous on her body.