After being ridiculed all over the Internet (and awesome dessert-themed celebrity blogs), Mariah Carey came out and acknowledged her drunk award speech. She also gave a reason for it .... at least, I think she did. I'm not sure actually what she's talking about here. I'm preeeetty sure she was drunk again.

Mariah Carey jokingly blames her loony acceptance speech at the Palm Springs International Film Festival awards on director Lee Daniels.

"The thing is me and Lee hadn't see each other in a long time, and then he was presenting my award, so he starts off immediately with inside jokes," Carey said backstage at the People's Choice Awards Wednesday night, where she was named favorite R&B artist.

"We had splashes of champagne, and I love Lee but he's a bad influence," the singer said and laughed.

Carey gave a long, rambling acceptance speech after being named Breakthrough Actress for her performance in "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire" on Tuesday. Daniels directed the movie.

The video of her speech was one of the most popular on the Internet, and led to jokes at Carey's expense.

The 40-year-old says she was rushing to receive the honor and didn't eat enough. She also says people shouldn't take the speech too serious.

"If people don't understand me and think I'm just like this girl that stands by a microphone and sings 'Hero,' then they're definitely not going to get me," she explained. "But if people knew me better, they would understand I have a sense of humor, and basically that's what gets me through life."

No no no, Mariah, you're doing it again. Being drunk is not a sense of humor. Just because you're laughing hysterically, doesn't mean we are too - well, ok, this time we were, but not with you. Seriously, not even a little.

If you had asked me a year ago what I thought Mariah Carey would be doing now, I would have said, "Crack." I don't think anyone expected her to be an actress, much less a good one - not even herself. I'm assuiming that's why she got wicked drunk before accepting her award for Breakthrough Actress for Precious at last nights Palm Springs Film Festival. She even admits she's smashed while getting the award. This is one classy biddy. Dear god, I hope she wins The Oscar - she'll show up high, nude and possibly on fire. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW!

Here we see the elusive Mariah out in nature for the first time. No longer is she surrounded by her golden lifestyle of recording studios, movie sets and husbands no-one-cares about. See how her feet are permanently damaged from high heels. We wonder what this horrible combination of booty-shorts and Borat's one-piece bathing suit is used for. Clearly not fashion or style. Is it a defensive mechanism, some way of warning off predators and people with taste? Let us continue to watch her to find out...

There were a ton of celebrity Halloween costumes, most of which turned average-looking whores into average-looking whores in brightly colored cleavage-enhancing outfits. It's really the best holiday ever. That being said, I'm going to focus on the good and the bad - literally:

Mariah Carey, and husband no-one-cares-about Nick Cannon, went as angels for Halloween. I'm not sure who gave her permission for that one. Even if God himself parted the clouds and gave her the OK, I'm still thinking, "Yeah, did you see Glitter, God? No? You knew to stay away from that piece of garbage? Ah, now I see why you're all-knowing." I like the boobs though, Mariah - nothing says heavenly creature like boobs. Seriously.

On the other hand, AnnaLynne McCord went as some sort of evil Batgirl knock-off, making it OK for me to create my own superhero: The AnnaLynne-McCord-Fiend. You don't even want to know what my power is (...it's masturbating to AnnaLynne McCord. Don't try to steal it, it's copyrighted).

Tuesday's Michael Jackson's memorial was perfect - the wonderful music, the beautiful photos, the emotional speeches, it was just the right way to send off a legend...that is until spawn of Satan Mariah Carey opened her mouth and ruined everything. The most evil person in the world, who I'm now referring to only as "Hitler", tried to sing The Jackson 5's biggest hit, I'll Be There, but only reminded everyone that they were three minutes late for killing themselves. Hitler knew this, and apologized for it. But really, what is the apology of Hitler worth?

"Trying to sing today was basically impossible for me," Hitler wrote on her twitter page. "I could barely keep myself from crying. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to pull it together and really do it right, but I was literally choked up when I saw him there in front of me."

"One thing I know is, we will never really have to say goodbye to MJ. His legacy lives on through his music and the millions of people. He inspired with his timeless music. He will be forever in our hearts," she added later.

Not good enough. Hitler needs to be publicly killed the same way Michael died...whatever that turns out to be. I'm thinking it's a combination of intense drugs, botched plastic surgery and an overbearing, degrading father who warps her psyche. I will fill that last role, and I'll start right now: "You suck. You suck. You suck. Are you dead yet? No? You suck. You suck. You suck!"

Don't tell Mariah Carey that she just turned 40 - she may actually smack you. The singer/actress is trying very hard for people not to notice that she's old.

"Read my bio again. We can't allow these lies to spread," Mariah joked, currently in Cannes promoting her new movie Push. "Don't say the 'F' word around me. It's just a number but I don't see why women should have to conform to what is expected of a 40-year-old - whatever that is." (www.absolutenow.com)

Well, if I had to guess, I would say a 40-year-old is expected to go through a mid-life crisis as she dates younger men, grasps onto what's left of her failing career, and of course, ignore the fact that she's 40. So tell me, how's that 28-year-old-Nick Cannon, terrible movie, ridiculous interview going for you? Don't trip, Mariah, you might fall and break your hip.

My god, it's the lamest rap battle ever. Nick Cannon is all pissed off that Eminem talked about his wife, Mariah Carey, in his new song Bagpipes From Baghdad. Eminem previously said he dated Mariah for about six months in 2001. The song has lines like, "I want another crack at ya" and "Nick Cannon better back... up. I'm not playing, I want her back, you punk.'" This made Nick go crazy - blogging style.

"I felt sorry for him because he must really be stuck in the past. Not only has his music not evolved, but also homeboy is still obsessed with my wife, the same female that wouldn't let him get to second base from eight years ago," Nick said on his blog. "What type of grown... man lies about getting with a chick? Only Slim Lamey! LOL!"

Oh yeah, because if anyone's evolved their musical style into something awesome, it's Nick Cannon. Or Mariah Carey for that matter. Man, this story might have been cool like five years ago - right now it's just making me sad. I think I'm going to go watch Glitter, even that's better than this.