English blonde girl Sophie Reade won England's Big Brother 10 and now is a celebrtiy - I guess. I mean, I haven't heard of her before now and I know every terrible and F-rated celebrity, including Bruce Campbell - enough said. Still, she's famous enough to open a new Ann Summers lingerie store and stand outside in her underwear for it. You know what? That does make her a celebrity. Congratulations Sophie, you made it! ... No, no, don't put your clothes on to celebrate, you're fine the way you are.

Why is it that my Star Trek movies left me dateless in my mother's basement throughout high school, but J.J. Abrams's Star Trek movie brought together the world's hottest women? The premier not only gave a chance for gorgeous girls to wear tight clothes and get their picture taken, but they also geeked out, making the Vulcan hand salute. Someone explain to me, then, why the only breasts I got close to from Star Trek were my friend Larry's pair. The man weighed 300 pounds! Something is very, very wrong here!