The people of Venice Beach were treated to actress Emma Roberts walking around in a cheerful yellow bikini the other day. You know, in this time of economic depression and political warfare, I think it's very noble for her to try and brighten our spirits this way. Of course, it would have been even more noble to do it topples, but we will take what we can get.

Why is it that my Star Trek movies left me dateless in my mother's basement throughout high school, but J.J. Abrams's Star Trek movie brought together the world's hottest women? The premier not only gave a chance for gorgeous girls to wear tight clothes and get their picture taken, but they also geeked out, making the Vulcan hand salute. Someone explain to me, then, why the only breasts I got close to from Star Trek were my friend Larry's pair. The man weighed 300 pounds! Something is very, very wrong here!