According to TV Guide, when January Jones was dating Ashton Kutcher... Woah, hold up. The Mad Men star dated Ashton Kutcher? TV Guide just threw that fact out there like it's something everyone knows. Not true TV Guide, you get a jeer from me.

On-screen, Mad Men's January Jones has had to endure husband Don Draper's indiscretions. Off-screen, she had to contend with ex-boyfriend Ashton Kutcher.

"[He] was not supportive of my acting," the 31-year-old actress told GQ. "He was like, 'I don't think you're going to be good at this.'"

The Golden Globe-nominated actress dated Kutcher when she first moved to Los Angeles in hopes of transitioning from modeling to acting.

Despite Kutcher's criticism, Jones credits him for helping her career. "He only has nice things to say now — if anything, I should thank him," Jones told the magazine. "Because the minute you tell me I can't do something, that's when I'm most motivated." (TV Guide)

Is that so? Hmmmmmmmmm, well then, Ms. Jones, how about (insert line about forbidding her from sleeping with me) and we'll call it a night. See if you can resist that one.

Ps. Here are some shots of January in the new GQ. Ashton, please take off your shoe and raise your leg - this is the part where you kick yourself repeatedly.

Demi Moore and douche-tool Ashton Kutcher are vacationing in the Bahamas and it just makes me realize what a douche-tool Ashton Kutcher is. Not for any reason, really, just that he's with her and I'm not. Of course, she is 46, so while she looks fantastic, I bet you she's actually three steps away from the grave. Her liver is failing, she's actually wearing a wig and every night before sleeping, she takes out her set of false teeth. Still, I bet you she's crazy wild in bed... just not at 7 p.m. That's when Jeopardy is on, and like my grandmother, she never misses an episode of Jeopardy.

I guess it was fine when Ashton used Twitter for attention. Now though, when Twitter wants to use Ashton for the same thing, he's throwing a girly tantrum. The actor is pissed that Twitter and Brillstein Entertainment are developing a reality TV show that would put "ordinary people on the trail of celebrities in a revolutionary competitive format." I guess it means they would run around, trying to search for famous people and twitter that they found them. Like an idiotic celebrity scavenger hunt where, really, everyone's a loser in the end.

"Wow I hope this isn’t true," Ashton wrote on his Twitter page. "I really don’t like being sold out. May have to take a twitter hiatus... I don’t want to be stalked!!! It’s all fun and games until somebody gets stalked."

There's no way Ashton would ever leave Twitter permanently. He's got nothing else going for him. I'm not even sure Ashton would exist anymore if you you canceled his Twitter account. He would just fade away, like Tila Tequila did when we took away her MySpace. Huh? What do you mean you didn't do that yet? Are you insane? You've just been letting her walk around. Dear god man, do it! DO IT NOW!

Ashton Kutcher is a tool, but at least he's a clever one. In April, the actor beat CNN to 1 million followers on Twitter and donated 10,000 mosquito bed nets to charity for World Malaria Day. He also promised to "ding-dong-ditch" Ted Turner, which is just a little hard to do.

"Ted doesn't really have an accessible home, and Ted doesn't really have an accessible doorbell," he said to the crowd who followed him today as he performed his pranks.

So Ashton and some followers showed up at Ted's Montana Grill in Atlanta, named after Turner, and stacked hundreds of boxes of Ding Dongs in front of the restaurant while ringing a bell.

"Don't be shy, get involved," Ashton told the crowd from the top of a U-Haul van filled with boxes of the Hostess treat. "There are 800 boxes of Ding Dongs. There are approximately 9,600 Ding Dongs here. We have to deliver these to Ted!"

Ashton said on his Twitter page that homeless Atlanta residents enjoyed the Dings Dongs after the prank. To then end the night, Ashton put out a banner with his Twitter name, @aplusk, over CNN's neon logo sign.

Now, Punk'd was an idiotic show and it was made just so Ashton could show how cool he was. That was a fail - the dude is now, and shall always be, a tool. He's not any better here, but the idea of stacking up almost 10,000 Dings Dongs is too hilarious not to applaud. You win this one, Kutcher.

What do you know, Ashton Kutcher is popular. The actor, who's done crap since 2006, beat CNN in their much hyped Twitter race, reaching 1 million followers about 30 minutes before the news channel at 2:15 this morning.

"This is David versus Goliath," Ashton said. "This just shows how people want to get information. It is about us. It means that one man can have a voice as loud as a media network."

Ashton's been talking out of his ass like this for the last week, about how the whole way people are getting their news is different now. He can't honestly believe that people follow him on Twitter to learn anything more than what Demi's ass looks like, can he? Is he really that delusional? Look, I'll concede that his tweets are more interesting than the average idiot's ramblings, but we're never going to go to him for serious information. Considering his rival in this race was CNN, clearly people still care about real news. At least sometimes.

Also, these billboards need to stop. Right now. If I see one more, I'm going to stop following him, and then he'll only be at 1,037,099 followers. That'll show him.