Kim Kardashian went on George Lopez's show and revealed that her boyfriend, Reggie Bush, is a vacuum-loving pussy. That's hilarious! Now, normally I'd feel sorry for Reggie that his girlfriend is airing his secrets on national television, but I have no sympathy here. The two of them broke up in July and then got back together. Reggie knew she was a crazy loud-mouth chick, and now he's paying the price.

Kim Kardashian revealed that she and on-again beau Reggie Bush have something to fight about: He takes longer to get ready than she does!

"It's, like, our biggest fight," she told George Lopez when the Us Weekly cover girl and sister Khloe Kardashian appeared on Lopez Tonight Tuesday.

"He's just really indecisive on what his mood is, on what he wants to wear," the reality star, 29, said.

Kim may have caused another fight with the 24-year-old NFL star -- whom she reunited with in late September after announcing a "break" in July -- when she mentioned his "really weird habit" on the late night show.

"He loves to vacuum all day -- loves to!" Kim said. "He's going to kill me for saying that."

Yes, he is. Dudes have gone all Chris Brown for much much less. Seriously Kim, you better be ready to to some freaky stuff in bed tonight to make up for it. Yes, even that thing that he's always wanted you to do. Tonight, you're gonna have to do it... Have fun!

Are you having a crappy day? Here, let me make it better for you. Kim Kardashian ignored a warning about an item being hot - that, or she couldn't read it - and picked up a burning curling iron ... See, it's funny, because she's dumb.

The reality star, 29, posted on Twitter Sunday night that she burned herself with a curling iron.

"Owwwww I just picked up the curling iron by the hot part... my fingers are burning and bright red... WHAT DO I DO? I am about to cry!" she wrote.

Added Kardashian just seconds later, "This is my first time using a curling iron...and MY LAST!"

I like this precedent - Kim gets hurt by an item and then doesn't use it anymore. Here's hoping after I smack her in the face with a camera, she won't want to use those anymore either.

It's not great to be a pet: You live in a cage, you have no will of your own, you're really, really dumb. Still, you can hilariously pee on Kim Kardashian and get away with it. Ah, to have absolute power.

During a recent visit to Ashton Kutcher's Katalyst production company in Hollywood, Kardashian met the magician, Dynamo, and "this little monkey" that he made appear.

"I thought he was really cute at first, but then he peed on me!!" Kardashian, 29, wrote on her website Monday. "Ashton said the monkey had pooped on him, so I didn't feel too bad, haha. Gross little monkey!"

On the plus-side, "This magician was amazing..." she said. "He did the craziest card tricks! (Us Magazine)

Not just card tricks, Kim. The man got a monkey to pee on you and poo on Ashton Kutcher. If he can get it to jerk off onto Tila Tequila, then he's hit the three most annoying people on the Internet. That's the hat trick, baby.

Remember when Kourtney Kardashian got pregnant and everyone bet she'd end up doing something horrible like drowning the kid within a week? No? That was just me? Well I remember it, and it looks like I'm going to be right. So go me, suckers.

Like all new mothers, Kourtney Kardashian has a lot to learn when she gives birth to her first child -- a boy -- sometime this month.

In fact, her sister Kim Kardashian was initially surprised that Kourtney was becoming a mom at all. "Kourtney was never ever the type that I ever would think would ever want to have kids," say Kim, 29, during an appearance on Thursday's The Rachael Ray Show. "She owns a kid's clothing store, and if a kid would come in she would be like, 'Where's your mom? You need to go find your mom and come in with her.' She didn't understand it and she wasn't that nurturing." But her expectant sister has "just completely changed" during her pregnancy, Kim says.

Khloe Kardashian, appearing alongside Kim for Ray's show, adds that Kourtney assumed that she'd be breast feeding for five years. "Kourtney was like 'I'm so excited, I don't have to cook for five years!'" Khloe, 25, tells Ray. "And I go 'what do you mean?' She's like, 'I'm gonna breast feed.' I go, 'For five years?' She has, like, no idea!" (Us Magazine)

Yeah, go with that Kourtney. Also, don't clothe your kid for five years, because naked babies are adorable and that continues later on. Also, you don't want to give the kid water since it's mostly water and too much is bad for it. I promise, I know what I'm talking about. (Seriously, if I can get a Kardashian arrested for child neglect, I think I'll have done the world a great service.)

Yesterday I had a neat little story about someone punching Kim Kardashian and her brother in the face. It pretty much made my day, even though Kim wined through the entire thing about her brother's opponent being a huge professional fighter. Turns out, that's not so true...

Following the Kardashian Charity Knock Out event in Los Angeles on Tuesday night, Rob Kardashian was left with what sister Kim called a "concussion" after stepping into the ring with trained fighter James Taylor, 33, who took on the reality star for charity.

And while James -- a single father of two who works as an account executive for an insurance and risk management firm -- defeated Rob with a left-hand shot for a first round victory at the event, James told AccessHollywood.com that he's the one being forced to fend off cheap shots from people crying "foul" over the match.

"Boxing is a passion of mine. I train in a boxing gym but I'm definitely not a pro," James told AccessHollywood.com after online reports suggested Rob stepped into the ring against a professional fighter.

Following the event, Kim posted a message on her personal Web site calling out James for being not only a trained fighter, but being bigger than her brother.<

"[He was] 35 lbs heavier than Rob and was a trained fighter! He was overheard saying that he just wanted to be on TV!!" Kim blogged.

And while James admits he has a slight weight advantage over Rob, he said the "Keeping Up With the Kardashian" production company - who screened James before the fight -- didn't seem to mind.

"Yea, I'm physically bigger than him, but they knew and didn't have a problem with it," he said. "At the time of the official weigh-in, I was 213 and Rob was 194. That's about 19 pounds - not 35."

James also defended himself against Kim's claims calling him a "down and dirty" fighter who hit her brother in the face after his head gear fell off.

"They're saying his face guard fell off and I kept hitting him. But I never threw a punch with his face mask off," James told Access. "I didn't come barging out in attack mode. They're making me sound like an animal. He came out and closed the distance on me. We were throwing shots and I landed a left that took him out. That was it."

My favorite part of this story is that Rob is nowhere to be found - he's off in the corner somewhere tending to his wounds and healing his vagina. It's his sister who's fighting this battle. Well, you know what you've got to do now, James. Go to Kim's house and punch her out too - and for the love of God, don't sleep with her first, no matter how much she begs for it. It ruins all the drama.

Are you like me and wake up everyday going, "My god, I wish I could punch Kim Kardashian in the face." Well, someone out there got to live the dream.

Kim Kardashian and brother Rob stepped into the ring on Tuesday in Los Angeles for the Kardashian Charity Knock Out event, where people who bid at CharityBuzz.com had the opportunity to step into the ring and spar with members of the reality family.

However, the charity event took a bit of a dramatic turn when Kim was left with a "black eye" and brother Rob was sent to the hospital with a concussion by someone who Kim claims was a "trained fighter."

"The event itself was absolutely insane!!," Kim posted on her blog on Wednesday. "We literally had three days of training to prepare for the event and thought it would be a little bit of fun to raise money for one of our favorite charities, The Dream Foundation. We didn't expect what happened."

Kim donned a pair of pink gloves and pink shorts as she hopped into the ring and eventually lost to her opponent, leaving the reality starlet with what she called a "black eye."

But when younger brother Rob entered the ring for his fight, he met an opponent who was "35 lbs heavier than Rob and was a trained fighter! He was overheard saying that he just wanted to be on TV!!" Kim blogged. "Even though the organization had assured us that they were screening the people we were fighting against and that they would be within 5 lbs of our weights!"

In addition to being much smaller than his opponent, Rob also took some unexpected shots, according to Kim.

"At one point Rob's mask fell off and when he put his hands down he got hit in the face and ended up in hospital with a concussion," she continued. "Rob's a strong guy and can definitely hold his own, but he wasn't expecting to get hit after his mask had fallen off! This guy just got really down and dirty!"

Down and dirty and he likes to hit people, aye Kim? I think someone's found her new boyfriend.

Ok, I know I just said I wasn't going to comment on every Halloween costume that came my way, but I couldn't pass this nonsense up. Kim Kardashian decided to dress as a few Disney princesses for Halloween... wait, I take it back - she dressed as a few slutty Disney princesses. It only make sense: Young girls want to be princesses and Kim Kardashian - why not combine them both into some horrible role model. Ah Kim, corrupting or youth one holiday at a time. Congratulations.