Hey there, we are back? Did you miss us? I missed us.

So, moving right along, here's Whitney Port in a bikini, walking around Miami on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Obviously, this is what attractive people do on their day off. Ugly people, on the other hand, play Monopoly in their parents' basement, hiding from both the sun and mirrors. It's a brutal but fair system ... also, I totally got Boardwalk AND Park Place, so I really owned that day. Woo!

I'm not sure how anyone can claim shows like The Hills and The City are fake. Like take, for example, these pictures of Whitney Port filming a scene for the later. Nothing strange about this. Everyone I know loves to get topless in the middle of a crowded New York park and just sunbathe. Of course, everyone I know happens to be amazingly hot and the star of some reality show or another, but don't let that stop you normal people. What are the police going to do, arrest you? Oh...right...they will.

It's a good thing shows like The Hills and The City are "reality television," because you don't need to script anything to make Whitney Port interesting. She can just keep, um, doing what she's doing here and I'll watch. I'm going to have my TV on mute and I'll be naked, but sure, I'll watch. What can I say, it's must-see-TV.

I had to look up who Whitney Port is, and learned she was on The Hills. I thought I knew every superficial idiot there without ever watching an episode, but I guess I was wrong. Wikipedia couldn't tell me, though, why she decided to dress like a hobo with her ass hanging out of a ripped garbage bag. That's not a complaint, mind you, just a fact. I'm hoping she's going for that look from Zoolander, where fashion was made out of living on the streets. Man, that's hot. Let me tell you, I've been with my fair share of crazy bag ladies, and there's nothing sexier than doing it in an old refrigerator box. Nothing!

Whitney Port was photographed wearing a bikini at the beach in Miami while filming her so-called "reality" show The City. While she was only a supporting character on The Hills and appeared to be living a real life, now that she has a show of her own it's obviously time for some MTV hacks to start telling her what to do. That's the only way to explain the body language with the guy in the black shirt. Whatever, it's better than more photos of that whore Heidi, and at least Whitney was actually attractive before being made over.

Whitney Port from The Hills and now The City on MTV goes for a dip in her bikini and then seems to have a little trouble keeping it on.

The latest Heineken commercial is pretty clever, as it features a couple showing off their new home and certain parts appeal to the women and other parts appeal to the men.

Apparently that alleged mercury poisoning from eating too much fish that made him ditch out on a play also prevented Jeremy Piven from shaving for the Golden Globes. The best quote about this whole fiasco comes from David Mamet who mentioned that Piven was leaving showbiz to pursue a career as a thermometer.

So those crazy Japanese created a website that track odors on a map, so the guys over at Holy Taco made their own United States version of an odor map.

The internet unofficially apologizes to Tina Fey following her "suck it" announcement at the Globes.

Megan Fox met Zac Efron at the Golden Globes, which I'm sure caught Vanessa Hudgens' attention given what Fox said about him during her frank interview with GQ several months back.

Model Doutzen Kroes looks great in lingerie for Victoria's Secret.

If you haven't seen the YouTube clip that sparked riots of a transit cop in Oakland shooting a young black man in the back while on the ground, it's pretty crazy.

Audrina Patridge informed People Magazine that the hit MTV "reality" show The Hills would in fact be returning for a 5th season despite speculation that this season would be its last.

“There is going to be a fifth season,” Patridge tells PEOPLE. “We just found out.”

Patridge, who recently filmed the thriller Sorority Row with Rumer Willis, adds that — despite all the drama — she and her costars have a good time filming the show: “We have fun with each other and we’ve stuck it out this long, so we might as well do another one.”

But Patridge admits that the cast’s divergent interests have made filming difficult.

“At one point, all of us were like, ‘No, we don’t want to do another season,’” she says. “I wanted to do more movies, and Whitney moved to New York and she’s doing her own spin-off. And Lauren’s dating [My Boys actor] Kyle [Howard] but he can’t be on the show because he’s on another show, so that makes it hard.”

Something else that wasn’t easy: Recent buzz that Conrad had a fling with Patridge’s sometime-boyfriend Justin Bobby.

“It was really hard — one of his best friends that told me that, and I called Lauren and she hangs up on me,” Patridge says of the rumor, which turned out to be false. “And then once I sat them down and talked to them, I was like, ‘Okay, this is all I needed!’ You’ll see it on the show. It was very emotional.”

This is all a nice PR spin way of saying that the cast of the show explored their other options, realized they had none, and figured they should grab whatever money MTV was willing to throw at them before they ultimately decide to pose for Playboy and then fade into obscurity.

I'd also like to add that Audrina is even dumber than we all thought; she's still talking about the rumor involving Lauren and Audrina's ex-boyfriend even though it was already revealed that the publicity whore made the whole thing up herself. Did you ever consider that Lauren hung up on you because she heard you started the rumor in the first place? Like, OMG!

Oh well, I shouldn't complain; at least the girls on the show are nice to look at if you can get past the vapid emptiness of their existence (my penis says no problem). Here's Audrina taking her new titties out for a test drive in a bikini earlier this year.