I'm only now getting to Thursday's Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, because I've needed time to process it. That's the excuse I'm going with, because the real one would probably make you vomit this early in the morning (it involves my hand and my penis). Anyway, here are some shots of Alessandra Ambrosio, Marisa Miller, Miranda Kerr and other models whose names you've never heard and you most likely don't want to learn. Seriously, is there any reason to? Not just for these models, but for every girl. "You there, the one in red with nice ta-tas," is really always enough.

I have no idea when these pictures of Victoria's Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio were taken, but they're new to me and appear to be from a photo shoot for a watch advertisement. Who really cares so long as she's lounging around on a bed with six-inch heels and no pants on? I imagine this is what it must be like to date a supermodel in real life, minus the excessive smoking and self-induced vomiting.

Like her fellow Victoria's Secret models Marisa Miller and Mirand Kerr, Alessandra Ambrosio has been down in St. Barts spending the entire week on the beach in her bikini for the brand's upcoming swimsuit catalog.

As you can plainly see, Alessandra is still looking a little pudgy following the delivery of her first baby a few months back. *Ducks to avoid projectile high heel* - All right, ladies, I'm obviously just kidding; to be perfectly honest, it appears she went a little overboard and lost too much weight. Not that I'm complaining about pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini.

Here's a line-up of Victoria's Secret models, and to make this headline as sexist and offensive as possible: yes, yes, yes, no, yes, yes, yes. As if the clarification was necessary.

Sophia Bush pretty much always looks great, and her appearance in a tight-fitting white dress is no exception.

When redneck's end up with a bunch of money, they just expand as opposed to changing their ways. For example, the redneck trailer mansion.

Josh Holloway from LOST is going to be a father.

Emma Watson says she's ready to get naked on camera if the part is right. She just turned 18, so that didn't take long.

Aubrey O'Day is trying to get attention Lindsay Lohan style and is apparently now a lesbian. I think she's just a slut.

Hilary Duff gets a little nippy going around town without a bra.

The dad from the TV show ALF is no longer in showbiz these days, but he is a fan of gay sex and crack, so at least he has that going for him.

Megan Fox wears a see-through shirt around little boys.

Victoria's Secret models Alessandra Ambrosio and Ana Beatriz Barros were on hand for a swimwear photo shoot for the catalog. I might add that Ambrosio had a baby a mere 10 weeks ago and she already has a flat stomach that most women would kill for. I never realized they called them supermodels because they have super-human powers.