Are you sitting down. No, seriously, sit down, this news is not something you should hear while standing. Apparently, Paris Hilton said that Michael Jackson's daughter is named after her:

"My mom and Michael went to high school together and they were best friends since they were 13," Paris explains. "So I grew up knowing Michael very well and when he had his daughter, he always loved the name Paris and grew up being an uncle to me. So he asked my mom if it was okay and of course she said yes and I think she's such a beautiful little girl and I'm proud we have the same name." (Extra)

Oh you poor, poor girl. No, not you, stupid-whore-socialite-whore-Paris, but the innocent kid. It's bad enough to have Michael Jackson as a father, but Paris Hilton as a namesake too?! Just awful. The worst part is, there are tons of things you still don't know about her, like she only wears Rosie O'Donnell's hand-me-downs, she bathes only in Danny DeVito's sweat and her middle name is HitlerSatanJong-ilSpears. That's right, her full name is Paris "Hilton" HitlerSatanJong-ilSpears Jackson. Hmmmm, actually, that does sort of sound like the best porn name ever. Hey Paris, you got a career already picked out for you, and what joy, it matches your messed up life.