Demi Moore and douche-tool Ashton Kutcher are vacationing in the Bahamas and it just makes me realize what a douche-tool Ashton Kutcher is. Not for any reason, really, just that he's with her and I'm not. Of course, she is 46, so while she looks fantastic, I bet you she's actually three steps away from the grave. Her liver is failing, she's actually wearing a wig and every night before sleeping, she takes out her set of false teeth. Still, I bet you she's crazy wild in bed... just not at 7 p.m. That's when Jeopardy is on, and like my grandmother, she never misses an episode of Jeopardy.