Tuesday's Michael Jackson's memorial was perfect - the wonderful music, the beautiful photos, the emotional speeches, it was just the right way to send off a legend...that is until spawn of Satan Mariah Carey opened her mouth and ruined everything. The most evil person in the world, who I'm now referring to only as "Hitler", tried to sing The Jackson 5's biggest hit, I'll Be There, but only reminded everyone that they were three minutes late for killing themselves. Hitler knew this, and apologized for it. But really, what is the apology of Hitler worth?

"Trying to sing today was basically impossible for me," Hitler wrote on her twitter page. "I could barely keep myself from crying. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to pull it together and really do it right, but I was literally choked up when I saw him there in front of me."

"One thing I know is, we will never really have to say goodbye to MJ. His legacy lives on through his music and the millions of people. He inspired with his timeless music. He will be forever in our hearts," she added later.

Not good enough. Hitler needs to be publicly killed the same way Michael died...whatever that turns out to be. I'm thinking it's a combination of intense drugs, botched plastic surgery and an overbearing, degrading father who warps her psyche. I will fill that last role, and I'll start right now: "You suck. You suck. You suck. Are you dead yet? No? You suck. You suck. You suck!"