They say you know the spark's gone out of a relationship when the couple no longer care what they're wearing. It's true - I knew my marriage was over when my wife started only wearing garbage bags. This is a bad sign for Justin Timberlake and Jessica Beil, who decided to dress themselves off the racks of Salvation Army while out shopping together. He's in workout shorts and velcro shoes, she's in a skirt that looks like it was made from my curtains. Also they're both wearing sunglasses to hide their shame. That's where you find shame, you know, in the eyes. Oh sure, you can hide it by going out each night, finding a place to pay strippers for money, drinking and drugging and then uncontrollably sobbing as the prostitute you just banged is passed out and possible dead on the other side of the room, but you can't block that shame. No sir.

Anyway, I give them two weeks.