How do you know you're a stupid spoiled whore who's been in the spotlight too long? When you're jealous of someone else's failing marriage because they get more attention than you. According to a Page Six rumor, that's just how Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are feeling these days:

"Lindsay and Paris hate not being on the covers of weeklies," said a source. "That's why Lindsay has been causing so much havoc and pulling these antics. And why Paris had a big blowup with Doug [Reinhardt]." The married stars of Jon & Kate Plus 8 on TLC have been garnering attention from all the glossies, which have seen circulation boosts from their alleged infidelities and family struggles.

I took Psych 101 in college, and this is clearly a simple case of acting out for attention. The way to deal with it: Roll up a newspaper and smack them on the nose when they're bad. What, right, I took Dog Psych 101 in college. Still, I have a feeling it will work in this situation, probably better than your newfangled ways for people. Just follow my rules, and if they're good, you can give them a treat. Huh Paris, would you like a treat, would ya'? Good girl. And tomorrow we get you neutered. See, much better.