Leave it to Anna Farris to make child enticement sexy. The hottie comedian (I call her a "commie") had an awesome weekly act with her fiancé that went horribly, horribly wrong.

"My fiancé and I, when we first met, we had sex-text-Wednesdays. Every Wednesday we would text each other the naughtiest things," she said. "I (accidentally) sent a text to a small child, asking the small child if they wanted to get drunk with me... The small child said, 'I don't know what getting drunk means,' so bless the small child's little heart." (OK Magazine)

Who is this small child who happens to have Anna Farris' phone number? How did he become King of Awesome, while the best number I've got is for Discount Donnie of Discount Donnie's Used Cars. That's just not the same. I really wish... DARN IT DONNIE! I DON'T WANT A GREAT DEAL ON A USED YUGO! QUIT BOTHERING ME! Jeez.