John Mayer is most likely dating someone really ugly. Otherwise, there would be no reason for him to insanely deny having a girlfriend.

"If I had a girlfriend, she would be incredibly offended by me saying, 'I don't have a girlfriend,'" Mayer told X17Online.com after kickboxing in Santa Monica this weekend. "That's how you can be sure. I could say, 'I'm not with anybody.' That'd be a death wish if you were the woman."

People Magazine had reported that John was spending time with cocktail waitress and actress Scheana Marie. But when asked about it, John approached a complete stranger in a car and asked the middle-aged woman to be his girlfriend. Then John kissed her, just to prove he was super serious. This sounds like the plot of a terrible teen comedy where John Mayer is dating the ugly-smart girl, but he's too ashamed to admit it so he goes all-out to show he's single. Don't worry John, by the end of the movie she'll have a makeover and be super hot and you'll realize what a fool you've been all along. Then you guys make out. The end. We'll call it "Mayer of Love Town," and people will only see it hoping for a Jennifer Aniston cameo.