The 81st Annual Academy Awards were last night and were so incredibly boring I nearly lapsed into a coma - twice. Aside from Sean Penn's upset of Mickey Rourke the results were utterly predictable and I'm not even going to bother listing the winners, but I will discuss which ladies won over my heart penis. Oh, and it's really a shame no one told Hugh Jackman in advance that he was hosting the Oscars and not the Tony Awards. Take your Broadway musical numbers back east, buddy, and maybe learn to tell at least one funny joke in three-plus hours.

Anyway, it's always hard to understand when female celebrities show up to this little shindig looking like crap. Fortunately, this year most of the ladies finally figured out the obvious: if you wear a strapless gown it makes the guys (and some girls) picture you naked so you look good no matter how much you screw up everything else. Vanessa Hudgens, for example, could show up wearing a dress made of stitched-together squirrel remains, but as long as those shiny shoulders are exposed she's going to look hot no matter what. Here are some pictures of actresses who went strapless and earned my stamp of approval.