The Hills stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt eloped to Cabo San Lucas and finally tied the knot last weekend in a secret ceremony. Earlier today USmagazine.com confirmed the rumors that had been circulating.

The idea of these two publicity whores having a secret ceremony is a complete joke; as if they're trying to hide from the press like Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez had to back when they attempted to get married in Santa Barbara.

Want to know the real reason these two eloped to Mexico? Because the U.S. government was hesitant to grant them a marriage license out of fear they might reproduce and further degrade the country's gene pool.

I have to admit, I'm actually a little surprised. I always figured the only reason Heidi stuck around with Spencer - one of the worst people on the planet - was for their storyline together on The Hills, since that show is about as real as Heidi's breasts. It turns out she really is as clueless as she appears to be.

If Heidi had any common sense, she'd realize that her massive Hollywood makeover is all for nothing so long as she's together with Spencer. She clearly works out a lot and has a great body, but here's what guys really see when they look at her...

I apologize in advance for any nightmares this might cause.