It's not great to be a pet: You live in a cage, you have no will of your own, you're really, really dumb. Still, you can hilariously pee on Kim Kardashian and get away with it. Ah, to have absolute power.

During a recent visit to Ashton Kutcher's Katalyst production company in Hollywood, Kardashian met the magician, Dynamo, and "this little monkey" that he made appear.

"I thought he was really cute at first, but then he peed on me!!" Kardashian, 29, wrote on her website Monday. "Ashton said the monkey had pooped on him, so I didn't feel too bad, haha. Gross little monkey!"

On the plus-side, "This magician was amazing..." she said. "He did the craziest card tricks! (Us Magazine)

Not just card tricks, Kim. The man got a monkey to pee on you and poo on Ashton Kutcher. If he can get it to jerk off onto Tila Tequila, then he's hit the three most annoying people on the Internet. That's the hat trick, baby.