Listen up, Robert Pattison - Katy Perry is not going to sleep with you. She's into disgusting, long-haired, unwashed comedians and you're in Twilight. Come on man, you're not even on her social radar.

"Read a bunch of yesterdays-news-BULLOCKS." Perry Tweeted. "Ppl should know by now that I don't do vampires, but I do, DO @rustyrockets," she says, in a call out to current boyfriend Russell Brand. "Don't get it TWISTED!"

Radaronline claimed that the singer and actor "got up close and personal" and "only had eyes for each other" during a Dec. 16 outing at Dimples Supper Club in Burbank, Calif.

Yet one of the club's bouncers told UsMagazine.com of the group's night out: "There was a big group and no one seemed to be romantic. They were just laughing and having a great time. [Pattinson] looked buzzed and happy."

So, to set the Katy Perry record straight, "NO" to vampires but "YES" to hobos. Hmmmm, perhaps I won't have to start drinking blood to get close to those sweater puppies after all. This is exactly why I wrote that plan down in pencil.