Russel Brand, douchebag ________ (fill in your own word. I'll give you a few to start: comedian, award-show-host, non-showering swamp-creature, douchebag), has aparently starting dating hot-singer-who-should-shut-her-mouth Katy Perry. How? By writing her a poem, I kid you not:

The womanizing actor, who first locked lips with the "I Kissed a Girl" singer at an MTV Video Music Awards after-party, recently texted her a love poem he wrote himself, according to a friend. "It was cute," our source says. "And the best part is that Katy responded by sending him a topless photo of herself." (Page Six)

Holy hell, is that all it takes, Katy? Then have I got something for you. Ready:

Katy-
Roses are red
I want some pickles
I love you a lot
Now show me your nipples

TADA! ... Ok, let's see'em.