I know you and I haven't always gotten along. I've had a thing for your hot cousin Playboy as long as I can remember - mostly because it contains actual articles written by intelligence authors. Mmmhmm. Oh, also, there are naked chicks, and you really can't compete with that. Still, your recent spread of Audrina Patridge in your October issue is possibly the greatest gift you've ever given me. I'm not sure if we'll ever be more than just friends, but I wanted to say, thank you from the deepest part of my heart.

xoxoxoxoxo
Alex