Britney Spears has been celebrating her new hot body in the way all patriotic Americans celebrate anything - by wearing a bikini (I know I wore one for a week straight after getting a raise at my last job. Of course I took it off after soon being fired from the same job.) For some reason, someone thought it would be a good idea for her to continue this celebration on The Late Show by doing a top ten list. And by "for some reason," I really mean, "To boost the hell out of the ratings."

Top Ten Ways the Country Would be Different if Britney Spears Were President

10. I'd be the first president to wear eye shadow since Nixon.
9. We would only invade fun places like Cabo.
8. Free pie for everybody.
7. My situation room would be a cabana at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas.
6. I'd lure Osama out of hiding with the irresistble scent of my new fragrance "Circus Fantasy."
5. Every presidential news conference would feature costume changes.
4. America might have a more coherent fiscal strategy.
3. Challenge U.S. to put nightclub on the moon by the end of the decade.
2. Three words: Vice president Diddy.
1. Finally the media would pay some attention to me.

Damnit Britney, I was just starting to respect you and then you went and did something stupid like this. Of course, my only interaction with you of late was putting up your bikini pictures, but still, you were a rising star. Now I'm just disappointed. As your punishment, I want you to put on this yellow tiny bikini and get into the pool. Stay there until you've thought about what you've done.