I'm not sure who keeps telling Kim Kardashian to put on a bikini and pose for photos, but it seems like they're running out of ideas. These current shots feature her going down a water slide into a pool (awesome) and then grilling food (Um, ok?). I'm guessing they asked Kim what she wanted to do for that second one, and grilling meat was her answer. This is a perfect example of what goes on in Kim's head. Because you know what they say: Meat on the brain means meat in the vagina. Yeah, they say that.

Some things just go together: peanut butter and jelly, dollars and cents, golf and nipples - these are facts. Jessica Simpson sang the National Anthem at the opening ceremony of the Tiger Tourney, a charity golf event in Bethesda, Maryland, hosted by Tiger Woods. She was there with her boyfriend Tony Romo and either it was freezing in hot sunny Maryland, or she really REALLY likes golf. As a fun sidenote, there were a surprising amount of balls hit into the water over the tournament. It was OK though, Jessica gracious went in to get each one. Best tournament ever.

Cheryl "Tweedy" Cole is a famous singer and reality TV show judge. In England. Yeah, that's why you've never heard of her either. But holy god have we been missing out! Whoever came to Cheryl and went, "Ok, here's what I'm thinking: tiny dress, cut down the middle, see-through fabric, and bits of nature - you know, to class it up," is my freakin' hero. England, I don't know why we ever left you in the first place.

*Sigh* Why are all the pretty ones so damn stupid? Megan Fox was interviewed by Entertainment Weekly and pulled the old verbal switcheroo, insulting the film that made her famous. She basically went, "I don't think Transformers 2 blows chunks buuuuuuut you will be wasting your money if you pay to see it."

"I mean, I can't s--- on this movie because it did give me a career and open all these doors for me. But I don't want to blow smoke up people's a--. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting," she said.

Michael Bay, the film's director, laughed it off, as he made a call to have Megan Fox killed.

"Well, that's Megan Fox for you," Bay told the Wall Street Journal. "She says some very ridiculous things because she's 23-years-old and she still has a lot of growing to do.

"You roll your eyes when you see statements like that and think, 'Okay Megan, you can do whatever you want. I got it.'"

After Katherine Heigl did Knocked Up and then called Judd Apatow sexist, the director basically had the same response: "She can think whatever she wants, I'll just never cast her again and throw her out of Hollywood." Katherine, as you might expect, quickly apologized. I guarantee that Megan will too. The girl has zero talent as an actor and is put on screen to make men pay money. If she can't do Michael Bay-like films, she is done. Although I have a film for Megan Fox to do. It's shot in my bedroom and requires no acting whatsoever, I promise.

The art for Shakira's next single She Wolf was just released, and it's causing a semi-controversy. People aren't quite sure what to make of it. Many women's rights groups are already complaining about the message behind it and her music. I agree, I say it's a travesty! It is insulting to women's rights. They should never, ever, have to talk about Shakira, much less listen to her. What kind of country is this when your poor, defenseless, little girl actually likes this crap? It's just awful. On the plus side, at least she's promoting putting women in cages. Finally, someone who understand the natural order of things.

Brainwashing is a slow and tedious process. I should know, I'm still working on training my secret horde of chipmunk ninjas... all the nuts belong to me. Katie Holmes is also aware of this. For the longest time, she wasn't allowed out of Tom Cruise and Scientology's sight, but recently, her leash has been set a little longer. Soon, she's even going to get the chance to perform on national television - the 100th episode of So You Think You Can Dance.

A source told Us Magazine that the actress, 30, sings Garland's "Get Happy," from her 1950 musical, Summer Stock.

"They are making it seem like a huge Broadway production," another source told Us. "It's a massive set.

If anyone knows about being happy, it's Katie Holmes. She gets one hour of exercise everyday, clean food and water dishes, and a treat when she's good. Also, she gets to see her daughter Suri every other day - that is, when they're both not studying and praying to L. Ron Hubbard. It's a real good life, let me tell you.

I like Katy Perry. Every time she gets just a little too weird (like posing naked with pizza in a bathtub), she reminds the world that, yes, she actually is super freakin' hot. This isn't some Lady GaGa type competition, where everyday becomes a challenge to be more messed up. No, these new Esquire photos show that Katy wants men to look at her and go, yep, I would bang that. I would bang that hard. And you know what? I would. I would hard.